Well, its been a long time since I have made a post when I need support or suggestions, or other stories that relate to mine. Basically, I am just so overwhelmed right now. I cut my legs up pretty bad the other night, after almost 2 weeks of not cutting or suffocating; and it has kind of opened the flood gates. Right now, I feel so down, almost like I feel sorry for myself. I am home alone and I have no one I can go to right now. I should be studying as I am in 3rd year and have 3 exams coming up next week, I am so stressed about that and other things.
I am incredibly lonely right now, I feel almost forsaken, like I have no one and I don`t know what to do. I am afraid I`m just going to give in and end up cutting really really badly. I can`t just drink till i black out as I don`t have anything to drink and I am in no state to go buy liquor as I doubt they`d even sell it to me, the way I look right now.
All I really really really really want is someone to be here with me, that i can litterally just hug and cry. Thats all I wanna do, hold someone really close and cry but I can`t, there is noone. Its just me and my head, no alcohol, just me, my head and some cutting tools. Its not that I want to be told not to cut, I dont know what I want I am just trying to reach out. i just want somebody, and something more than feeling like this, I am so sick of it. I love coming on here and helping people out as much as I can but now I cant even help myself and there is no one to take care of me. Even if this day does end badly, at least someone (even though no one i know in person) will know what I feel. Know what I did.
Well **** it, i could not care less right now, im tired of trying to focus, trying not to do what i want. i cant feel like this any longer. I really do have NO ONE that I can reach out to, I have nothing I can do. I dont give a s*** what happens at this point we all know im not strong enough to stay away from cutting, i never was big ****ing suprise!!! im sick of trying to just stay positive i cant do it anymore and i am not going to, im done with it, its been years of this and its never going to stop, its not ever going to stop. i **** up school i **** up everything, and everything i do never makes any bit of difference, nott o me,not to anyone
I can tell its not easy for you to reach out. Im also guessing that you were perhaps a little hurt that not many responses came your way when you needed them most.
I get feelings like that too, most of the time i hate myself for being so needy. Im 40 in a few years, im male and i crave love and hugs and attention like i was 5 again. I feel i shouldnt be needy at all. I feel i should be above all this. have to be strong. blah blah blah.
At the end of the day when all the walls are broken down we all want the same things. We can all feel like this.
Thanks for the replies guys. I mean it, and lilmissy I KNOW you would have been here for me if you could, its completely alright. And Matt, well you pretty much hit everything spot on. Thats pretty well how I'm feeling. As for how I am now, the past few days have not been good and today hasn't got off to a very good start. i can't focus on my studies and I have zero appetite,even sleeping is tough cuz I am thinking so hard all the time. I am spending a lot of time in the Chat room trying to easy some of the feelings, but yeah. thats about it.
