I miss my son so much

eeyores friend · 08-10-2008, 05:03 PM

Dont really expect any replies but feeling low and really missing my son. Its been nearly two years since he was taken from me by his dad when i ended up in psych hospital and he would never give him back to me because of the od's and s/h. Over last two years i have had supervised contact on/off but have only seen him for a bout 6 weeks this year over summer. Then his dad said he couldnt deal with the s/h and o/d and that he would no longer supervise and that he wouldnt let my family or friends supervise and now Im waiting for it to go back to court.

I really miss him so much. I feel like I have never been able to have a proper relationship with him as i have been ill since day he was born and never bonded with him. I just want to be able to see him and be a mum again. I wish he could come back home with me.

He will be 4 next month and im not even going to be allowed to see him on his birthday. I feel so sad and guilty and hate fact that i feel i am letting him down.

I have spent last few nights crying over him (normally cant even cry coz of meds) and wishing that things were better and beating myself up for allowing things to get so bad.

I miss my little boy and it hurts to think of him growing up not knowing me.

Warrior_x · 08-10-2008, 05:12 PM

*sends massive hugs*

I haven't got anything to say really. Just to let you know that I read your post and I am sending massive hugs. I can only imagine the pain you must feel having a child but not be able to see them.

Please try and keep yourself safe.

Sending you loads of hugs

Gemz
xxxxxx

Yellow · 08-10-2008, 07:10 PM

oh hunni...
PLEASE PM me anytime.
i can relate.
my son turned 11 this year. he lives 600 miles away with my aunt and uncle. i wasnt there for his birthday. i havent seen him since March and wont see him until christmas.
i sent him away at 5 years old due to my dissociations. i was so afraid something would happen to him while i was in a dissociative state. he was only to stay with them for 3 months while i went into the hospital to get better.
it didnt happen that way. i plummeted without my little boy.
i have had to make the decision now to let him stay there until hes grown because that is his environment and i wont uproot him again.
i know the CONSTANT ache. it hurts so so much.
please know im thinking of you.
PM me if you ever need or want to talk.
i know how it feels...i really do....its one of my biggest struggles.
much much love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

eeyores friend · 08-10-2008, 08:52 PM

Hi ChapterTwelve

I have already been to my solicitor and we have to try mediation first which will not even work because we tried this last year and ex wouldnt even go to the meeting. But we have to do this before they can take it further and apply to court. So waiting for date for mediation - just to waste precious weeks - and im fed up of waiting and not knowing how long it is going to be before i see my son. Ex wont agree to me seeing my son until we go to court and they find some professional body supervising it which can only be done through court. I think he is deliberately doing this so that i dont get better because he knows the only way i can cope is by harming and that means i cant see my son. Im scared that my mental health and s/h stops me seeing him even after going to court.

Yellow - big hugs to you. Its so horrible to be in our situation and i feel for you. Its so unfair that we have to suffer by losing our children just because we were ill. So much for keeping the children with their mother no matter what.

Off to have another cry and a bit more that will hopefully sort me out for the night.