Im feeling so vulnerable
I start back at work tomorrow and I am so scared
I know its only for two hours but i am pertrified
Ive got my uniform but im going to feel so vulnerable
it doesnt cover me up enough
I want something to wrap around me and keep me safe
Ive got a short sleeved and a long sleeved top but i need my entire body hidden, the shape of me.......i need to feel secure and i dont know if they will understand that without me giving the reasons and im not sure i can tell them the reasons. I dont want to look feminine. I dont want male customers to approach me without me having a cover on.
work do have jackets, but you have to work for so many days a week and i dont. Maybe if i ask? this seems so pathetic
Personally i dont think you should be returning to work.
However, the fact remains that you are going in. This could be what you need. It could be the focus and the normaility that could bring you back from the ether.
As for the fears and anxieties i think that these are perfectly normal. You havent funtioned in the "functioning world" for 3 years now. You cant just jump back into it and not have any worries.
I wish you all the luck regarding this. If it goes well then it will be one of the greatest achievements i will have seen since joining RYL. If its too much for you then no one and i mean NO ONE who has any idea of how hard this is will think any the worse of you.
I havent worked for 3 years either. I got anxious and was ill over delivering yellow pages! Basically a paper-round.
I think your super brave to be even considering this, i have panic attacks at the mere thought of returning to work *snuggles* your so brave, no one will fault you if you can't do it, but everyone will be behind you while you try
Hi. I dont feel brave. I feel squashed into a corner.
If I dont return, ive been told i will lose the job
If I lose the job I feel I will never get employment again and I dont want my life to be sitting on the sofa or laying in bed watching tv, trying to block out all the crap going on in my head.
Nothing has changed. I still have suicidal thoughts and I still harm and I still need my counsellor and my doctor. I still feel full of tears everyday.
But if I dont do this, then what else is there for me?
Im going to ask about the jacket and if need be I will tell her why. Its so important to me that I keep my body hidden. I am scared of men and therefore male customers. They may aswell know the truth.
oh hunny its not easy for you at all, but congratulations for trying. I know exactly how you feel about thinking you will never get a job again, i feel that way but people have told me its not true *squishes* we're all here for you sweetie
Just wanted to say thank you for your replies.
I am nervous beyond belief
I will be there in just over 5 hours time
I guess I have to give it a go and if it doesnt work out then atleast I have given it a try
I am so so proud of you for trying this. It won't be easy but if you can get through this it will be a huge achievement. The first day is bound to be the hardest. *leaves huge hugs and warm thoughts for you*
Thank you somuch for thinking about today
Its been a day of nerves for me
Ive had support from friends, one special one has seen me through today and without them I dont think I would have gone, so thank you.
BUT........I DID IT!! I DID IT!!
I was met as soon as my Hubby took me in to the store (.I couldnt walk in on my own). I was hugged by some of the staff who knew me which was lovely.
I explained to my manager about why i needed to cover myself up, without going into too much detail. She understood and I am getting a fleece to hide behind. She is also now aware of my worry about being approached by male customers.....she was just so nice.
We took things at a slow pace and went through paper work and then a training book to see how much i remembered.....i didnt do too badly, alot came back to me. I wont be going onto the shop floor for quite a few weeks, not until she feels that I am ready which is a huge relief.
Im next in on thursday for another two hours and will be going through health and safety and watching work videos. I think I will cope with that and wont worry too much about it beforehand.
I think I actually feel pleased with myself and I havent felt that emotion for a long long time. Im totally exhausted and am off to bed....I may actually sleep better tonight!!
well done you, so proud. be honest, take your time and tell them if you have a problem, sounds like they're willing to hear and understand what they can.
love you ever so much
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well done :D
you have every right to be pleased with yourself!! that really is great!
i'm glad your workmates were so nice and understanding too, i hope that it makes it easier to keep going back to work.
hope you have a fab sleep tonight.
*smiles until cheeks hurt!!!*
*dances*
i have never been more proud of you!!!!
so so so happy for you rowie bird!!!
i love you to itty bitty pieces!!!
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A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
