Triggering (SI/OD) - Advice re Family *also sui trig*

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-10-2008, 05:07 PM

So things have been hard recently. You might have an idea if you've managed to read my super long post in vets. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago when I was found collapsed in the street (along with note), the police used my 'phone to call a couple of family members. I have no idea why I had my 'phone as I wouldn't usually take it out if I was going to do something like that.

Now they all know about the sh, voices, etc (but not the details re multiple overdoses etc). My oldest sister has been OK, still treating me like normal with the odd text to remind me re picking up meds etc but my mum and another sister are just being so clingy. This has been going on a long time and the crisis team told them that this has been going on a long time. Why do they think texts asking me how things are and how things will get better will help me? I just want them to treat me as they did before. This is why I didn't want them to know.

How do I tell my mum to back off and go back to texting me as she would prior to her knowing?

In addition, my dad apparently has got my number off one of my sisters. What the f**k! If he hadn't been like he was, maybe I wouldn't be quite as screwed up as I am.

Sorry, just can't cope with the constant reminders of my failings when they text me. It is actually really triggering as it wants me to just be done with it so they can get over it and get on.

Casper_Fading · 04-10-2008, 05:29 PM

they care sweetheart. if they didn't care they wouldn't text. maybe in some ways your sister (who is treating you like normal) has always known, and knows what to not do. The others are just scared. they didn't know it was going on before. they do know now. it was never a possibility for them before you know? *cuddles* it'll calm down soon enough. but rest easy int eh knowledge they do care. *cuddles*

ThinkingofRecovery · 04-10-2008, 05:41 PM

Yeah Jess, my older sister knew I was under services but not why. She has a son under CAMHS. She reckons she should have a tea-party and the voices in our heads can meet each other

. I like the fact she can joke about it and still make fun of me. I even found out she was supposed to take anti-depressants in the past but her husband wouldn't let her.

Re the others caring, I just feel smothered. Re my dad - it feels hypocritical and everything comes back re growing up and everything he did/said which has contributed to me being like this. Then the other part of me reckons perhaps he doesn't realise that it is partly because of him and that it really is all my fault and I am a stupid bitch who deserved all he did/said. I don't need this right now.

I don't want them to care because it makes it harder for me re guilt etc when I still want to self-destruct.

Thanks for replying Jess, I know it must be difficult for you right now to muster the energy to do so.

04-10-2008, 06:23 PM

What makes you upset that they care?
Like, could you pinpoint exactly what makes you upset?
They don't see you as a failure - if this was the case, they wouldn't be so loving/caring/clingy towards you.
I don't believe they want you to feel guilty either about being the way you are.
But i DO understand how difficult it is to change your mindset.
Are you particularly close to your family? I mean, were you before all of this?

I'm not particularly close to my family at all, and they haven't changed the way they treat me since they've found out about everything, although after my last suicide attempt 2 weeks ago, i came home from hospital to find my room had been pretty much stripped from top to bottom of all "tools", and my parents were particularly clingy for a week or so refusing to leave me on my own. I found i got more upset with them being clingy, than i did when they showed they didn't care. But then, when they stop being clingy..it makes me feel alone. So i can't really win!

I think it's difficult with people who don't necessarily understand how people with mental illnesses cope/feel. I think as your older sister has a son with similar problems to you..she understands more than the rest of your family, so she doesn't feel like she has to somewhat walk on eggshells around you.
But as the rest of your family aren't aware, it might be difficult for them to know how you want them to be around you.
Have you considered writing them a letter explaining how you don't want to be treated differently, but you know that they're there for you?

*hugs*
Keep your chin up hun
Sorry if anything i've said doesn't make sense!
xxx

Casper_Fading · 05-10-2008, 10:08 AM

yech. i had a lovely reply typed out and it ATE it >.< *kicks laptop*

*cuddles* i'm glad your sister can understand and joke with you. It's good. *cuddles tightly*

I'm guessing that you don't want people to care (or you don't want to KNOW that people care) because if they care then you feel guilty when you harm. Correct? *

Honey... i'm glad they care... maybe it will slow you down when you ge tthat feeling that you can't hold. YOu know??

YOu know where I am whenever you need me darlin! *cuddles*

RazorKissBrad · 05-10-2008, 04:02 PM

I think you really just need to explain to her that she is on your case too much. Im sure its just that she wants to help you out and look out for you. Explain that you feel like she is crowding you and its making things worse, like smothering I suppose. Her intentions are good and I'm sure she would understand.

ThinkingofRecovery · 05-10-2008, 07:50 PM

Thanks for your replies. I've replied to a couple of my mum's texts with the usual fine, how are you reply. Next week (or maybe the week after, can't quite remember), I have to go home as it is my brother's birthday and one of my nephew's birthdays. My older sister said I could stay with her instead of my mum's house but I suppose I will have to face her at some point.

Jess - "I'm guessing that you don't want people to care (or you don't want to KNOW that people care) because if they care then you feel guilty when you harm. Correct? *" - Gosh you're good at this. Yes, it makes me feel more guilty and the extra feeling of guilt makes me need to cut more - stupid eh?

Thanks Dramatic. A large part of me knows that they are pretending to care because that is what they are supposed to do (my parents that is) but really they are ashamed. They are always concerned about how things will look for other people.

Now they know, family friends are starting to find out. I don't want everybody to know. I hid the sh from them for years!

Casper_Fading · 05-10-2008, 10:21 PM

Stay with your sister and just see your mum for the day. At least then you'll be able to have abreak. *cuddles*

Yeah i know i'm good! *toots own horn* lol. Honey, on some level they do care. even if the most part is them worrying about what other people think. But you can't really for sure say that's what they're worried about unless you ask them.

Maybe you can talk to them??? Like what Brad suggested? Let them know that yuo'll talk in your ownt ime and that time might be years :P

*cuddles*