how do i mourn when it was so long ago?

[bright.side.of.life]

i dont know if theres already been a thread like this, and im sorry if there has been but...

my counsellor thinks that a main reason for my si and depression is that i never mourned my mums death coz i was too young to know what mourning was (i was 6 when she died, im now 15). She said that i need to mourn her before i can move on, since it appears i have skipped the mourning bit and gone straight to acceptance. to me, it feels that i never had anything to lose, coz i was so young and for most of my life at that age my mum was ill so i never really had a "mother figure" as such, so i havent got many feelings about her, except that i missed out on something special.

anyway, i was just wondering if anyone could help me, i dont know how to mourn someone who died so long ago (9yrs ago). does anyone have any suggestions how i should do it? im completly lost on the subject.

thankyou for reading, sori to waste your time.

rowena
XxxX

[Stellata]

The best thing to do with grief is to go with the flow. That's really all you can do..
I would think, from what you say, that you don't really know what you missed out on, and so that adds to the grief. Except that you may well have buried that, because its been too painful to bear, but that has come out in the SI and depression.

Quote:

except that i missed out on something special.

seems pretty key. The maternal relationship is your first attachment, and from that you develop as a person.

I never lost my mother in the way you have, but I was separated from her at birth whilst I was in an incubator, and didn't have any contact with her until I was 3 weeks old, and was in hospital 2 months. That has had a deep impact on my life, leading me to feel unable to truly connect with people a lot of the time, and I have a lot of grief and sadness connected with that.

Maybe one way to start is by trying to connect with you when you were 6 years old. Looking at some old photos. Having an internal or written dialogue with 6 year old you. Letting 6 year old you draw how she felt.. that kind of thing.

[bright.side.of.life]

thankyou longing, thats what my counsellor said...but i dont know how to feel how i did when i was 6, i cant even remember being 6! the only tthing i remember was my dad telling me she had died, but i dont remember how i felt...i just feel silly trying to think like a 6yr old i guess......why is this so hard?

[Numbpurplehaze]

I don't have any advice for you but I just wanted to say that I relate. I'm going through the exact same thing, my dad died when I was 3 and 15 years later I still haven't mourned his death properly.
If you ever need someone to talk to about it that understands, i'm here.
xxxxx

[bright.side.of.life]

thankyou numbpurplehaze.

im just so confused about it all, feel a bit pathetic tbh. how can it be so hard? its simple, you just feel sad and grieve etc, but i dont feel that sad and i dont no how to grieve so i feel kinda screwed tbh.