A relationship where both people have mental illness - could you cope?
Basically I am curious, because I've heard people say that they didn't think they could cope if their partner had a serious mental illness, let alone if they already had one themselves. To some extent I can understand this, as mental illness can be extremely difficult and frustrating for somebody to deal with. I have had a number of difficulties throughout my teenage/adult life which I've already mentioned elsewhere, and my partner was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic about 4 years ago, has attempted suicide and been sectioned several times, and still suffers from day to day with paranoia and anxiety. Yet our relationship is wonderful, and whether that's despite or because of our respective illnesses I don't know. But it works. One of the first things we bonded over was the fact we could candidly discuss our suicide attempts! We have an amazingly close bond because we went through so much before we met one another, and also together over the past 3 years and now things look rosier and rosier every day. Before I met him I had never even met somebody with schizophrenia, and he'd never met anyone who'd SI'd or had eating disorders, so we learned so much from each other.
Anyway I'm sorry this has turned into a bit of a ramble, but I guess my point was that people with mental illnesses often suffer alone because of lack of understanding and a tendency to alienate people with their behaviour - if you already were ill yourself, would the fact that somebody else you were interested in had a mental illness put you off them, or attract you to them even more as a potential source of great empathy? And I'm sorry if I was gushing a bit about my relationship but I know a lot of people feel like they're never going to find anybody because of what they're like, and I want you to know that you are wrong and love can overcome these things in the end!
Feel free to ignore this as a rant if you like but it was a topic that occurred me out walking and I wanted to get it down.
Hmm, I'm not really sure, because in a relationship I wouldn't want to be considered the crazy one, but I would like to feel safe in a relationship and have someone who could look after me when I'm at my worst. It's odd really, because I suffered some abuse from my 2 (at the time) mentally ill brothers, who were quite violent towards me when I was young, so you
would think I wouldnt want anything to do with anyone anything like that.
I don't know, interesting thought though, and I'm glad you're happy in your relationship.
x
Feel free to PM me any time; whether you want support or just a chat! x
"She's been everybody else's girl
Maybe one day she'll be her own"
Well i have my problems and so does my boyfriend... we seem to get on fine. If im down and not in the mood..we just dont talk for a few days.
Then after the few days we speak again.
It depends really. I have seen it work, and seen it not. My boyfriend and I were both majorly depressed, and it worked for a while, but in the end it was our relationship that began to kill us. We brought eachother down on a horrible down spiral, and we are luck to be alive today. I still love him, and he still loves me, but because of life and circumstances, we will never get a chance to see if it will work again (with us being a bit more stable) so I don't know. It can be a great source of understanding, or it can hurt a lot! I wish you the best, and in no way want to curse your relationship! Best to you and your sweetheart!
"I cannot change the past, but my future is my chance to prove I can change."
"Sometimes our deepest wounds, are the ones we inflict on ourselves."
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”
First off, nice topic and I am so happy to hear of a relationship that is taken seriously is going well. I wish you the best for you and your relationship. I hope it all works out perfect.
Secondly, I believe that it works. Though, I know it couldn't possibly work every time for everyone, but that doesn't mean that both having mental issues and difficulties makes the relationship less likely to last. Nor can I say that it makes a relationship more likely to last. But personally, I believe it does.
I am in a relationship where my girlfriend and I both suffer from different mental issues and illnesses. Suicidal thoughts, to be honest, were the first thing to bring us together. I was on the edge full-time and so was she. I would constantly tell her how I couldn't possibly last another day, but she would talk me out of doing anything rash and help support me day by day. She did the same to me and I did the same for her. We were life-support for each other for months and gradually things got better. Of course, we had fallen in love with each other at that point. Somewhere along the lines, we mutually started dating... and now it has been six months since we started dating.
Sorry for gushing about my relationship. But in answer to your question: I believe that at the very least it doesn't injure or lessen a relationship. Again, best wishes for you and your relationship.
TrynT
I use to see somebody who was bi-polar and seriously addicted to self-harm, it really didnt work between us, we both use to bounce off each other whenever we'd feel low and use it as an excuse to feel low because "if my boyfriend was feeling crappy i was aloud to be aswell"
I can see how it can work aswell though, you can both help each other because you've been there and can relate so well to how they are feeling.
SugarKane, its awesome that you have found love, i wish you both the best of luck :)
Carly xxx
I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change
I know now this is who I really am inside
[I don't wanna die, but i ain't keen on living either]
I always seem to take it upon myself to be strong for the other one, particularly in my current relationship. I will counsel and support them but often convince them I am fine as I don't want to burden them when they are already so down. Basically, when you are like me it tends to be stifling and straining rather than liberating and loving.
I would say it depends, i sturggled for 9 months in a destuctive realtionship of metnal illness.
Im Dysthimic and he ownt admit it that hes a complusive liar.
I ould say it depends on the ilness and the person. mine destoryed me but others find it easier.
Me and my fiancee met on RYL.
We both had depression at the time.
We were both having really rough times at the time.
She was struggling with eating issues.
We were both self harming.
We've been together just over a year now and she's almost completely recovered, and I'm getting there.
I think that sometimes, if the relationship works, you can make a change in each other and it can make your suffering easier, not harder.
