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Triggering (SI) - so much failure
I missed the study abroad paperwork deadline for my school. So I can't study abroad this year at all. The lady at the desk told me not to bother sending it in because they don't even look at late applications, and don't make any exceptions.
And what did I do when I found out? I am so ****ing stupid that I can't even deal with that and I self harmed massively and it was worse than anything I've done since at least last spring. I need to never do anything that bad again. Goddamnit I am such a failure. School has been in session for all of two days and I'm already breaking down mentally.
I managed to schedule an initial counseling session with somebody at my university, and hopefully will get a full time qualified counselor this year, but I'm not expecting too much.
I have to stop self harming. I know I have to stop but I don't know if I can. I have to try, at least. Because I'm getting closer each time to having to go to a hospital. I can't keep this going.
I want somebody to listen, but I don't know how to express what I feel anymore. Maybe I never did.
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