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Triggering (SI/Abuse) - *trig for pretty much everything**mentions death**GRAPHIC Flashback/memory details* ouch.
infiltration.infiltration of the world, my mind, my everything. the family- thats not helping, its just a ****ing program, but to me it has such a different meaning.
Everywhere the family this the order that this that this that- there are always triggers, everywhere, to an extent i've really been working on desensitising them. Trying to make them more livable, but at the moment things won't let me.
From events, totally uncontrollable to me, continued **** that i just can't get rid of, and the flashbacks they trigger therein, plus the nightmares that've always been with me, i'm not doing so well.
It seems very relevant to remember just now.. Not that i want to.Vaticanus....house of divination...dwelling of demons; below, the large room 13 catacomb chambers leading into it. Round and round, circular hyptmotism, round and round and round. Rounded walls and rounded stairs, gentle but fatal. 13 past fathers staring through the dry rotted flesh lining their dark empty sockets.the spirit of the Fathers watching over as they stand guard at the enterances from their orthodox residences.
Draw to a platter like Avram; scarlett brimmed vulture drawing all to the central star of the one. the german Father, the french Father, russian Father and him. All there. Her of course. Bowing to her as they went, even as a child was a sickening display to witness- without the examination of behaviour or rights.
The observance striking me right through to the core. Dark, dark glass, stone, precious? i have no idea, not granite or marble, but maybe obsidian or onycks of some kind but nothing as dark have i witnessed elsewhere prior or post.
Yellow gold gutters ready for the monsoon of fluid to follow, blood, mainly- funnelled down and collected for the fuel of the living. Drinking the body of love as some kind of eucharist from the dead to survive.
They had him. Many a time i'd seen this before, but not here. Only a handful of times had i been here. I knew what was to come. Drugged they had him but screams still came.
"may the same or worse follow you if you break your oath"....so familiar the threat was barely notable, on the wave of dispear. My red haired angel's scarlet hour induced by the worst of man.
Back on the surface, tear stained face and puffy eyes blinded through grief and the sun of Rome, even in this month, the obelisk penetrating the sky, infecting the world with His dark sperm, spreading from the joy of St Peters Square, to the world. Man so easily impregnated
You will never meet a person who told for years that they're special, they're the only one that can do things. The reason why I can filter some of this with an objective view is that I know what my role in the group was, and if i didn't, it was confirmed, over and over.
Underneath the Vatican
1. To not want
2. To not wish
3. To not need.
4. The rule of expendables
5.Code of Silence
6.Betrayal of good its the food of the Gods
7.Liquidation of compassion
8. Travelling. Wandering the realms internally and externally- thus enlightenment.
9,10,11: "Sexual trauma, learning to dissociate and increase cognition, decrease feeling."
12. Age coming
13. No one knows but those who need to. No one should ever witness. To most, 13 does not exist.
The twelve fathers who sit, the council of nations under Her rule. Expectantly awaiting.
on my knees, the fluids of my son and myself flowing over my skn, crawling through my hair, I swore my allegiance to serve.
Haunting my existance and taunting my mind, its following me.
I don't expect understanding.... i just can't be alone in this
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