Originally Posted by
kevin
I just wanted to see if others have felt the way that I do. And if they think it is due to depression.
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I have felt like I was super inteligent yet could not apply it in any useful or purposeful way.
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When I was younger I always thought bad situations had put me in a bad spot which is true but it was not only the situation. The situation was bad but it brought the illness out which I am starting to understand.
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Its amazing how I can still function somewhat which will make me sometimes think that I am not that sick right now but when I take the test it shows me different. Distracting myself from the thoughts about suicide and the hopelessness and worthlessness are real hard to get around. Plus the irritability and emotional sensitivness to things is real bad.
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It is like living in a nightmarish hell almost everything has that kind of feel to it. Like a living hell feel to it. abrasive people become like 10 times more nasty then if I wasnt depressed. Sometimes it feels like a hollowness like I could hack off my finger and I wouldnt feel it. I know this isnt true but the thought just comes across my mind because of how hollow I feel.
Anyway I hope these meds kick in and offer some kindness to this sick brain. I guess I have to keep reminding myself that its the illness and not reality which is hard because the hopelessness just feels so real. My pdoc said that it was kind of like dreaming while you are awake which I can agree with because I went to the dinner with a friend the other night and while I was talking my brain started to wake up alittle it was a weird sensation like it was actually turning on compared to when I am not talking. anyway any identification?
I've separated out the parts I can relate too. I have a depression diagnosis, therefore some parts I don't relate to.
Have you asked your psychiatrist about the bipolar question?
You can get kindness from people. I understand how much it can ache to feel like your only source of kindness is medication. Human relationships and connections can bring kindness. I understand that's hard when you feel so depressed and alone, but it's possible.
