Triggering (SI) - what would you tell your children?

cakey · 22-09-2008, 10:13 AM

i have children, and have been self harming for a long time. my oldest daughter has accidently seen some of my scars and has asked what they are. i tried to make up something to tell her, but she is not accepting this as an answer. i don't know what to tell her. do i tell her i self harm? my boyfriend says i should, but i think she is too young to know this sort of stuff. i would really welcome any advice on this. thanks in advance.

akita · 22-09-2008, 02:31 PM

That depends on how she would take the truth.

whirlpools · 22-09-2008, 04:05 PM

how old is your daughter? i suppose if she's approaching her teens, it might be okay to tell her. you could follow it with telling her what to do to be safe if she ever feels the need to self harm.

if she's younger, maybe you could just say that mummy gets a bit ill sometimes but she'll be okay.

Slip · 22-09-2008, 04:05 PM

I've never been in this situation - but I would like to think I would be able to be honest with my kids a kinda "mum was sad..." that kinda thing. But it does depend on the individual I guess...

fragile as glass · 22-09-2008, 06:38 PM

I dont have kids but when a child sees my scars and asks me what they are I tell them that when im sad a mark appears (to us adults, a scar) and when im happy they fade (ie. scars become less noticable/fade/ no new marks. This always seems to go down ok.

Saying that I agree with the above, its very much an age appropriate thing. Kids are not stupid and us adults dont always give them enough credit for that.

I hope you find the right way

UbermoronicismAgain · 22-09-2008, 07:44 PM

I like to think I'd be honest with them in your situation, age appropriately, but having never been there I can't say for sure.

I think the pain is the bit you need to convey. Something you can put in your own words to explain why you do it as opposed to what you do.
Think of how you explained/would explain it to your own mother and work backwards? I don't know if that makes as much sense aloud as it did in my head >.<

Good luck with it and do tell us what happens, it could be good for those not yet going through this to hear some advice for the future.

Iz x

Rain Keeper · 24-09-2008, 02:48 AM

My kids believe I am accident prone...not all ficticious...just not all truth.

Seraphsigh · 29-09-2008, 03:29 AM

God, I think about this all the time. Not that I'm even close to having children...but it is such a hard question to answer. My opinion is that you know your kids better than anyone, and if they're overtly inquisitive....maybe a "version" of the truth is the way to go? I do remember many things that my mom straight out lied to me about and I knew that she was lying. Then again, I can't say I would have been able to deal with them then.
As if being a mother in general wasn't hard enough, eh?
This is definitely something to mull over for awhile so you can the best decision for yourself. If you spend time on it, you'll do the right thing!
*hugs*

D'Arcy

29-09-2008, 04:02 AM

I don't have any children, however, i am often around my nieces (4 & 6) who are quite inquisative.
When i first started self harming, when my eldest niece asked me i was taken aback and didn't know what to say. Her mum (my sister in law) made up some silly excuse about how i "fell in a thorn bush".
It did get me thinking though that if they were to ask again (which is possible) i would just explain that "Auntie Laura is a bit poorly but she's getting better now".

When you give a child a reasonable explanation such as the above ^, it does satisfy there curiosity.
I think things like self harm shouldn't necessarily be highlighted to children, as they may become curious or find it acceptable to do.
They may find it hard to understand why you want to purposely hurt yourself. Before i even started self harming, i wondered why one or two of my friends used to do it, and even i didn't understand at the age of 16/17.

Goodluck in whatever you decide xx

cakey · 29-09-2008, 11:59 AM

thankyou all for your replies.

my daughter is 7, but she is a very grown up 7. i did tell her on the spur of the moment that the cat had made the scars, with hindsight this was not a very good thing to tell her, but it was the best thing i could come up with at the time kinda thing. we have tried to keep this from all the children as much as possible, but she is still asking questions. i don't want to tell her that i si, i want to keep as much of it away from her as possible, i have put my family through enough as it is.