i hate to ask for more, whenalready i recieve such support and carin...but i had to...
I'm scared, to be honest...
Tonight ( 2 hours 13 minuts to be exact) my hubbyr first marriage couns session, because of the MI and SH, these have taken a toll on our marriage. The one thing i thought would always be rock solid;we've been thru ALOT not inuding the MI/SH, and alwa made it thru and found eachother again, wll..we have never lost each other/had a space between us before actually.This is the first...
But THIS has done it. It's great, i know that we are going for couns,we are both determnined to keep this marriage together, that we still love each other...but its still scary.cos the love isnt the same anymore...lots of little things have changed/appeared/disappeared.
Im just scared i wont get him backk, get our love and friendship back (and it already appears i have lost one long time friend all because of being honest [as this peson was also] and replying to something that was written...i guess it over..i dont know as ive heard nothing...)...he is my best friend and i would be lost entirely without him.
i fought the anorexia for him at first as i cdnt do it (right away) for me...bu even tho i did that and only ppl on here know how hard it would have been...nothing has changed really.
Im feeling a little like IM the one who has to do ALL the changing , which isnt right....there are things i want/hope he will change too.He has to realize it ISNT all me..im pretty sure he does, but he doesnt know what these things are....I think he really just needs somewhere/one ttalkk too; he's had to deal wi th me and all of it alone vitually. So he desperately needs and deserves se help too.
But like i sai, im scared.....
I lose half of me, if i l;lose him.
18 years isnt easy to let go of......us together has been exactly half my life.
Oh im sooo nervous, but know this is for the best at the same time..
*huggles and cuddles lots* i've never been in this situation before so i dont really know what to say to help, just maybe try to think about the positive things that could come out of the counselling instead of the negatives. it could make your marrige a whole lot stronger *huggles lots*
i really hope you get through this ok. i'm thinking of you *cuddles more*
Counselling is a way back to together for you. It's goal is not to drive you apart.
Sometimes, though, we have to give people we love space to be themselves, before they are people for us. (And vice versa, you have to give yourself space to be for you before you can be for other people.)
Like you said, you've come through a lot, and you can come through this too, if it's what you both want.
Thank you for letting me stay here
Thank you for taking me in
just want you to know that i'm thinking of you. i know how much mi can impact on a marriage as i'm going through hard time in my own marriage.
you have come a long way and having been in a relationship that's lasted 18 years it is likely that problems between you can be sorted out. there are two parties in marriages (well in most) and both have to make an effort to make it work. you are doing well and hopefully things will look up for you both soon.
nathan
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered never know"
-Pinned to a noticeboard at the US Command Post in Khe Sanh.
thank you all so much for the replies and hugs, i REALLY apprecTE them )
It went REALLY well. and wh i kinda hoped would happen, did.
My hubby is now going in individual couns as most of the prob is he has suppoprt/no one to talk too, he doesnt know how to help, he has NO suypport/anyne to tLK too [other than me] and t needs some sup[port for HIM! And's going to get it!! )
I have my 'pathways ' group and i going to ask about a 'peer worker' someone who is also MI, but is in a stable place and can lend some support...i'll take/try ANYTHING to get 'well'.
So, all in all , it went VERY well. The couns. was extremely nice and very easy to talk too. I only hope she can give him what he needs *fingers crossed*
Anyways, thanks again! Nahan, i hop e you two c work out your marriage, it just hurts much when things are like this, so i here if y9ou want to talk opk? As we're [like you said] much in the same boat. So plsfeel free to PM ok??! *fingers crossed for u two
I'm so glad things went well and that you & your hubby are going to get the help and support you both deserve. 18 years is such along time, and I cant even pretend to know what it means to have someone by your side for that long. *hugs* hope things keep going up from here hun xx
In The Wake Of All The Terror And The Hell, I Am Constantly Reminded All The Crosses That I Bear. You want to see me burn, I am living fire. You will know me by the scars I bear.
See the pain in my eyes See the scars deep inside My God, I'm down in this hole again. Everyone's asking questions No place is safe I'll forfeit resurrection To escape the pain I hate my life.
Eye'm sorry eye'm ugly, eye'm failing eye'm angry, eye'm fuct up eye'm different
I've only just seen this thread so can't wish you luck but I think it's great that you are both so committed to getting back on track. I hope it helps x
*hugs* i just saw this..
i'm glad it went so well, like irkeninvader said, it's fantastic you're both so committed to getting back on track. openness like this can only be a good thing i think.
i really hope (and i'm sure that you will) find your way back to the way things were between you. 'these things are sent to try us' was the saying, right? which sucks i know, but i think that it only serves to make you (and your hubby) stronger in the long run.*hugs*
sky xx
I'm glad that it went well. My husband and I were in counseling together for a while and it gave me some insight. This will help both of you and your relationship with each other. Even when it feels difficult, it helps.
I'm cheering you on!
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Romp, I've been away so missed this until today but just wanted to say I am really glad it went well. As usual, feel free to PM me if I can ever do anything or you want someone to rant too *hugs*
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