To the mommys out there!!

[hhc_lover07]

I got advice that here I might get more advice about this. lol. So, I'm reposting it, copy and pasted. I cant figure out how to delete the otherone or anything, and I'm really new here... Dont hate me?? =]

A few months ago I found out that I'm pregnant.
Right now it's a HUGE secret. My close friend knows and my bf. That's all.
So, I kinda have a bunch of random questions.

Like, how do I tell my mom? I'm 21, not married (although that doesnt matter since I'm not the first), and not working. So, this is a HUGE impact on my life.
I know my dad will be happy. He's been planning for grandkids since I turned 18. lol. But my mom.... I dont know.
How do I tell her?
My original plan was disappear for like a week. Send her a text on day 1. Then, she will have a week to calm down. haha.
But, I dont even know HOW she would react. And that's not too practical either. lol

Also, how long does the sickness part last? And how do you make it go away?

Is it normal to be hungry pretty much every 3-5 hours? I went through a stint of anarexia, and would spend days not eating. Ultimately, it affected my diet so much that I would eat once a day. Now, I eat a normal breakfast, then a few hours later, I'm hungry, so I eat lunch, then I eat snacks, then dinner, then more snacks (like bread or cereal. lol).

Is that normal?? It's so weird to me. And I can NEVER resist the hunger pains.

Also, how do you be a mom? Is there a guidebook or something? I went from non stop partying, to staying at home saturday nights. There's a rave with my favorite DJ coming (OMG. I am IN LOVE wih this guy) next month, and that's ging to be my final party. I'm going w a friend who will stay sober for me. =]

But, how do you be a mom?

Also, I'm paranoid about losing it. I dont know why. Prob because my friend lost hers and so now I'm noticing that situation every where. Like TV ect. But, how likely is that??

Thank you!!

[charcoal feathers]

i've just replied in the thread in GSA so really, i'm just bumping this one for you.

[hellohefalump]

Well... good luck telling your mum. At the end of the day she's got to make a decision - support you, have a grandchild and maintain a relationship with her daughter, or don't support you, lose a daughter, lose a grandchild.

I don't know your mum but I expect there'll be the initial shock, but after that, hopefully she'll warm to the idea.

The sickness, for me, went away after about 12 weeks. They say that you should eat little and often, toast or something bland is good.

I too have had anorexia. For me, the baby was motivation to finally 'let go'. I mean, for 9 months, your body is not yours anymore, you've got a responsibility to your baby to eat. At least, that's how I saw it and it helped me. When I was pregnant I ate whatever I wanted, when I wanted and told my anorexic side that I could lose the weight when I no longer had a baby in me to take care of.

Now, my motivation is that I need to LOOK AFTER that baby and for that, I need energy, which comes from eating properly.

How do you be a mom? Well... you learn 'on the job'. Maternal instinct kicks in and it's quite hard to go TOO wrong. Don't stress about that - it comes naturally. It's hard work, but at the end of the day, you HAVE to do it because you've got a baby depending on you, who you love and would do anything for. When you have a baby, all your priorities change and how you were before, seems worlds away. I say, try not to stress about it.

About losing the baby, I won't say it's unlikely, because plenty of people lose babies. But I'd say more people have successful pregnancies, than lose babies. It's less likely, the further on in your pregnancy you get. The first trimester (first 12 weeks) is the most common time to lose a baby. If anything happens (bleeding, pains... anything) get it checked to be on the safe side.

[hhc_lover07]

I dont think my mom will disown me. My great nana and nana on my moms side both got pregnant before they were married. And, this era is quite a bit different from back then! So, I dont expect my mom to disown me. Plus, it wouldnt matter cuz my dad wants grandkids! lol I'm just worried shes gonna be angry or something... I dont like when she's angry....

I'll try toast. I get sick in the morning, eat, get sick, eat more, get sick. Lol. I'm always sick. But, it's just nausia. Nothing else. So, it's not really doctor worthy. =]

I have absolutely no choice but to eat. Every few hours, I literally feel like it's been a week since I last ate. Does that mean I'm going to have a really fat baby???

I really dont want that... I dont plan to actually give birth. I flat out refuse. I wanna C-section. But, I still would prefer a tiny baby. lol

I get so worried about losing it because of my friend, and then when I was younger I miscarried. I'm at about week 10. But, it's still so real to lose it later too. And that's really scary to me.

I had a bad drug addiction, and this is why I kicked it. But, I must've gone at least a month with it, not knowing I was pregnant. So, I guess I'm just paranoid. But, I mean, there's nothing that's made me actually have to worry. So, maybe it's all in my head??

[bigmouth]

I was terrified of telling my mum I was pregnant even though I was 23 and married! I remember I didn't know how to approach the subject and my hubby kept saying he was going to tell them, I wasn't drinking, smoking or eating certain foods at christmas time and my mum just said you're either crazy or pregnant. It was sutch a relief to have it out in the open. I think your mum will be shocked and maybe worried but she will be eventually delighted!

I used to worry how I was going to give up the party hard lifestyle, but it's not been any problem, while pregnant I was too tired to go out and now I don't want to leave my baby for that long. It's so true that your priorities change. I have some friends who criticise me and say I am boring but I have evedn more friends who love my baby and come to my house to keep me company instead of going out.

There is actualy a lot of info on the web about caring for babies, some bits better than others, you won't need to rely too much on that stuff because it will come naturally, but there are also health visitors etc that will suipport you.

eat whenever you're hungry try and stick to healthier foods not high in sugar and fat if your worried. nausea stayed with me throughout pregnacy,k if it's causing you a lot of trouble do see the Dr they can prescribe anti-sickness tabs.

I think it's normal to worry a bit about something going wrong, but try and kjeep the concerns in perspective, I bet you will feel more reassured when you see baby on the scan!

[Le Almighty Kitten]

I posted on your GSA thread btw. But in addition, how much weight you put on has no baring on how big your baby will be; a better indication (though not a certainty!) is how big other babies in the family have been. Also, you wont be a given a c-section just because you want one, there has to be serious medical reasoning behind performing one.

[bigmouth]

i don't think it's worth worrying about the birth, it's going to happen and you'll get through it. I don't think anyone looks forward to it

[hellohefalump]

I was really scared of giving birth. I was worried I wouldn't be able to do it/get through the pain. But actually, when you're in labour you have no choice but to keep going. Your body actually works FOR you - you just ride it out.

When I gave birth I said 'never again'. A couple of weeks later I was thinking about having another baby!

I won't lie, it really hurts! But when it's over, you've got a baby and you soon forget the pain.

[darlin-carly]

i was terrified of telling my parents that i was pregnant but i was only 15 at the time i found the best way to tell them is juist to tell them face to face its really hard but once they got over the initial shock its ok.

I think you have to remember you're now an adult, of course, it doesn't make it any easier whatever age you are telling your parents, however - you aren't a child/young teen, so whatever her reaction she will see that you're an adult now and that you will be a mother soon enough.

Birth is something every new parent will be concerned about. I watched a birthing program on BBC3 last night with first time mums on, and they were all understandably concerned, but as soon as there child was here all pain was forgotten.

It's normal for your appetite to increase, what with all your hormones/body going "whacko". The majority of my friends found that unless they ate, they'd get morning (more like all day) sickness. Ginger is apparently meant to aid morning sickness, as is dry crackers. It's usually something that passes with time, it is possible to still get sickness throughout your pregnancy, but it usually stops in the first/start of the second trimenster.

Goodluck :)

Also - you won't have a C-Section unless it's medically necessary. So that side of things is out of your hands.

The size of a baby isn't predictable. Like others have said if you look back in your family to see how much the babies weighed, and done the same in your partners family..you may get an estimated weight, but it isn't guarenteed. Midwives tend to say how big/small the baby is by measurements or ultrasounds - but again, these aren't much to go by, more rough estimations.

Babies grow quick enough anyway regardless of whether they're born big or small.

[hhc_lover07]

If I cant have a C-section, then I better not feel a single thing!!! Other wise, I will be the mother from hell... They thought my mom was bad. haha. They haven't met the daughter!!! (It'll prob be born at the same hospital I was. Not on purpose. I just live in the City I was born in by chance. lol)

So, as long as I'm drugged I'll be ok... haha. I'm the polar opposite of people who want natural births. They can knock me out and I'll be ok w it! lol

I hope it's not big though. I really hope. I dont want big...

My friend texted me telling me I better not be starving "his" baby. lol If he were here right now, he would be stuffing my face with every edible item he could find... Whether I'm hungry or not! He is not the father. Just the most supportive person I have.

When should I tell my mom?? lol.
I dont think this will be something I can hide for much longer. Maybe only a couple more months.... But, should I wait till I cant hide it??

Ahhh!!! I'm so not looking forward to telling her!! She scares me.... =P

[Le Almighty Kitten]

The size of the baby doesn't really affect the pain of birth that much; a birth can be painful with a 5lb baby but it could be a breeze with 10lb baby.

I have to agree with Shona (Le Almighty Kitten). It really doesn't matter what size your baby is - the main thing is the baby is healthy.

Also - it may be worth looking into buying some pregnancy/birthing books, or renting some from the library. They're very informative to first time mothers, and it may alleviate some of your fears/worries about birth.

I know of some people who were hell bent on having every pain med going, but there labour progressed so quickly they weren't able to have alot of them other than gas & air (which by the way makes you feel very "high"!)
It does all depend on how quickly your labour progresses as to what meds you can have. Epidurals won't be given if you're past a certain stage i believe.

Have you seen a doctor/nurse for confirmation on the pregnancy? They'll also book you in for your first ultrasound (which you have at around 12 weeks) to check everythings fine etc.
Never be afraid to ask your midwife questions on your fears/concerns.
xx

[hhc_lover07]

I am fine being drugged up. I dont care if I dont remember w single thing. Terrible, I know, but I cant really deal w extreme pains... Ever.

Getting my teeth cleaned made me cry... lol

But that really hurt!!!

Anyway, I pretty much goggle EVERYTHING. lol. But, I like hearing actual "mom" inputs, instead of just reading it. I can't really talk to my mom right now, so I am looking else where.

Anyway, I think I am just truely paranoid. Literally.

How possible is it to be ectopic?? (I think I spelled it wrong...)
How would I know??

That would be soooooooo sad!!!
I guess I would only know by seeing a doctor. And, really, after googling symptoms, I dont have any reason to worry...

BUUUUUUUUT, paranoid me is still worried.

Also, today, a couple hours ago, after sex, I've been feeling slight cramping. Like, it's not major. Just light. And, it seems to happen after sex every time.

I read that's not too uncommon, but I need reassurance.

Right now, I can't see a doctor. No job. No money. No insurance. The 3 things that make it LITERALLY impossible to see a doctor. (I'm applying for state insurance, but, until I get approved, I'm stuck. blah.)

So, I'm more worried then ever.

Also, I havent gone to a doctor yet. Obviously.
But, I found a clinic thats near my house that does free ultra sounds and such.
I took a home test and I'm 3 months late. lol. I was hoping for menopause at 21, but, it doesn't look that way... =/

lol
I plan to schedule an appointment w them for an "official" test, so I can have a due date and stuff. And then, an appointment for an ultra sound.

Ok, FINAL question. When will I know the sex??

[Le Almighty Kitten]

Without wanting to delve into your sex life, when you have an orgasm, the uterus contracts, hence the cramps. The only way you can rule out an ectopic pregnancy is to have an ultrasound. Being able to remember the birth can be something special BTW, horrible not to. Anyway, i know in the UK some areas wont tell you the sex, but if your doctors (don't know what things are like in your part of the world) can tell you, then they can see from around 16-20 weeks onwards.

[hhc_lover07]

I dont really have a desire to remember it. lol. It makes me squeemish!! I went through my friends pregnancy guide she got from the hospital, and like nearly passed out from the pictures... I remember telling her, "OMGosh!!!! Look at this!!! This is whats going to happen!!! Ewwwwww!!! Make it NOT happen!! That's so gross!!!!"

But, she isnt as squeemish as me. lol. She wanted me there for the birth, but, I told her I couldn't do it... Just cant.

I'm already getting the creeps thinking about it.

I honestly do not have a clue how I'm going to do this. lol. I wish the stork really did exist... in about 6 months, he knocks on my door, hands me a baby, and flies off. It'd be SO much easier that way....

I know, because of my age, I'm probably just being paranoid. And I know all the thing that could go wrong aren't a common place thing... But still!!! I just worry. If it's a 1 in a million chance, I'll still strss over it. lol

Can I blame hormones for that?? =P

I dont think theres ever an issue finding out the sex here. I dont think. But, I havent known many pregnant people, so yeah. lol

I want to know early enough though. That way I can buy gender appropriate clothing and bedding and stuff. lol.

I have come to the conclusion, it'll be a girl...
Now that I said that, it's gonna be boy... lol

[hellohefalump]

Sometimes they can't tell the sex. We wanted to find out, but our baby had her legs tightly closed together! They couldn't see a thing! I was convinced our baby was a boy and took a lot of convincing after she'd been born that she was actually a girl!

You will get through the birth - so many many women have. All our mothers, their mothers, their mother's mothers... etc.

When it happens, you just go with it, and then it's over and you have a baby. It hurts, but you forget about the pain afterwards.

[Le Almighty Kitten]

Buy neutral clothing if you can, scans aren't 100%! Don't block yourself off from the birth, a positive experience is far easier to live with than a negative one.

[bigmouth]

I refused to think about the birth before it happened. I wouldn't read anything or talk to anyone. That probably wasnt the best approach because I ended up worrying more because I didn't have a clue about the process. Luckily for me it all happened so quickly I hardly realised what was going on and before I knew it I was holding my baby.