I guess the title gives it away really. I start uni in two weeks time. My boyfriend leaves on Saturday. I am absolutely terrified about both. I don't know how I'm going to cope with either of them. I'm on an upbeat moment at the moment, and I'd rather write this on one of them because I don't know what'll come out if I post when I'm in an emotional mood.
My course is one that I'm pretty sure won't take self harm and suicidal feelings well or lightly, so I'm not going to be able to seek 'real life' help once I'm there and I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay SI free without my boyfriend close to me. I haven't been totally SI free with him close, let alone with him half way across the country. And sometimes in my darker moments, suicide seems the way out of me being at uni.
I'm terrified of meeting new people, of ending up alone every night in my room, of not having enough money, of the placements, of not getting along with people I'll be living with. I know nothing will change when I get there, I know I won't suddenly become the kind of person who will make new friends easily, who will have people to go out with in the evenings, to have someone there to talk to if I get down. Yes I'll be able to exchange a few words in lectures, have a laugh with someone when we're in a place we have to be, but I won't have friends friends. I just don't want to have to watch everyone going out together whilst on my own again.
I guess I just want some reassurence from people at/who have been to uni that it doesn't have to be like that? That I can make friends? That I can survive without my boyfriend's physical presence?
you can definitely survive witout your boyfriend.
unis always have places you can go to get some support, like a health center with counsellors, i'd definitely suggest finding yours and going there.
you dont have to tell anyone in your course about your feelings (the people running mine certainly dont know!).
there will always be others like you, who dont make friends easily, arent really chatty etc. ive nearly finished my first year and its taken all year for me to start feeling comfortable being here and being around so many people, but if it can happen for someone like me it will definitely be ok for you!
good luck with it!
i also suggest joining some sort of club or society in something that interests you, to get you out and about and also maybe to meet some people who are itnerested in the same things you are.
take care.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break
that its heart may stand in the sun,
so must you know pain.
There are only two ways in which one can live their life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is.
My course do need to know though, it's a legal qualificaiton and they have to know anything like this, I had to tell them about my past at interview. So I can't tell anyone in case they tell them and I get kicked off. I can't drop out of uni again I'll be trying to join some clubs at the fresher's fayre but am really scared I'll be wandering around that on my own looking like an idiot
Thank you midnight. I guess I've got to try not to panic until I go. Maybe the wait is actually going to be worse than when I get there? But I am so worried. I don't want to be sitting alone in my room worrying about all the things I need to get done in the first week and have no-one to talk to. The problem is, if I'm just me, I will never make friends. I'm not the kind of person to put myself out there. At school, where you're stuck in the same room as 25 other people everyday for a year, it takes me ages to make friends, let alone when theres thousands of people where you're never doing the same things in the same rooms.....oh God! So
Being one of those people who can sit in a corner too, sometimes I find that it helps to see who else is sitting on the side lines and talk to them. Those are some of the most interesting people because there is more to their life than socialising.
When a group goes out, don't wait to be invited. Invite yourself. "I've been wanting to see that movie too. Mind if I join you?" Then if you are getting a bite to eat before or after explain to someone that you are shy. It is difficult the first few times but as you do it, your room mates will come to accept that you do want to make friends.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
All your fears are quite normal (from my own experience and talking to others I am at uni with anyway).
You don't need to worry about making friends, you will, everyone is in the same position and you will spend your first few weeks talking to everyone and with them introducing themselves to you. I dont know what course you are on, but most courses have group work and you will be able to get to know the people in your group easily. And if you have lots of lectures, maybe ask someone if you can sit with them, they are probably desperate to sit with someone too.
Like someone above said, all uni's have counsellors and guidance centres, could you possibly see these in private?
And as for worrying about your SI, you dont know what will be the case once you get to uni. Be careful, but it won't necessarily get worse. I know that I am a lot happier being more independent and more myself at uni, so I have SIed a lot less than I did at home.
Blondiebear: thank you! I'm liking the inviting myself along idea if I can force myself to speak up! Hopefully I'll be able to push myself into it. In terms of the seeing someone else in the corner, it's a good idea but I find it so hard to go out in the first place
Goldilocks: thank you as well! I'm doing ****** so it means I'm spening quite a lot of time with the same people so hopefully I'll be able to get to know them but unfortunately it means that going to the uni counsellors is impossible in case they have to tell my course and potentially kick me off But I think I'll be seeing a lot of cute tops
Last edited by GrimmFaerieTale : 28-12-2008 at 07:36 PM.
Reason: paranoia about being found
I'll be trying to join some clubs at the fresher's fayre but am really scared I'll be wandering around that on my own looking like an idiot 
xxxx
But I think I'll be seeing a lot of cute tops 
