little disappointed...

Merc · 25-06-2007, 11:30 PM

I have been off AP's for a good few months now (i can go off for months and then have to go back on) and...i had to go refil them today and have taken them.
Im not against meds, if i need them, i need them. But...i just hate these ones....because its...well it just means im losing control again. I dont like feeling psychotic and all the **** that goes with it.
Camping this weekend was great aside from the hallucinations which are pretty interesting in the middle of the bush when its absolutely pitch black at night cos you cant even see any stars or moonlight..it made it pretty bad a few times...and seeing things in the woods...that part wasnt fun...and a few times the anxiety got pretty bad i had to go off by myself of in the tent till i settlerd down...but really all in all it was a lot of fun. Our dogs were great, the ppl were fun, the dirt-biking was great...
It's just a crappy comedown to come home and feel myself slipping and have to go back on them...
Ok sorry, whine over...
missed you guys
romp

~*forever_broken*~ · 26-06-2007, 01:00 AM

*hugs*
Good to hear you had some fun. I'm sorry you have to go back on your APs...
I don't have anything else, I'm sorry.
*hugs again*

Take care

Alyssa

Bitter_Angel · 26-06-2007, 01:19 AM

Sorry you have to go back on them. But as you said, if you need them you need them.
You might feel down by going back on them, but feel proud that you had the sense to notice that you need them and to take them!! That in itself is a huge achievement. And If they stop you from feeling worse in the long run then its all good. Slipping sucks, but hopefully the meds will help prevent any furthe slips.

Take care hun
Kim

pea soup · 26-06-2007, 05:40 AM

hey romp...
im really glad that you managed to make it through the camping trip and actually have some fun. im so sorry youre having to go back on AP's. i need them right now too. my doc also takes me on and off them based on when i need them. my problem is the side effects. maybe you wont have to take them very long this time around.
much love.
xx

Merc · 26-06-2007, 10:18 PM

thanks guys! and yes, it is good that I can decide now when i go on or off. That i dont wake up in hospital or some equally distressing place to find i've flipped out again. So it could be much worse...
I just get imaptient for all this to be 'over'...for the time when idont need meds anymore. Even tho really i know i will always need them. And again, so be it. I guess not having any support (other than you lovely ppl and my hubby) is taking its toll...the endless waiting and then it all seems for nothing. funny i thought so long as you were willing youwould get help...apparently im the only one who thinks this..the psych's etc sure dont!
anyways, yes it WAS fun! and i cant wait to go again.
thanks so much!!
romp

Bitter_Angel · 26-06-2007, 10:47 PM

Hold onto the good bits hun, use them as support.
If you need meds, you need them. It dosnt make you any less a person and it dosnt change who you are. Your character still shines through. inthe end thats all that matters, that and your family.
Take care
Kim

Destinationzero · 27-06-2007, 01:16 AM

I'm glad you had a good camping trip....well pretty good anyway. Also its good to hear you've gotten a positive outlook back a little bit. Yes, though...it will eventually be over. I went camping over the weekend too by the way. I came back bruised and exhausted! Maybe you can go camping again soon and have more fun.