Dont usualy ever here...but since iv been recovering from ED i guess my brains is working better and i am finding more and more issues within myself.
i'm dealing with some pretty heavy stuff in therapy..maybe thats it. I'm not sure..
I keep having mental mood swings. like i'l be fine (fine being my usual OCD, anxious, low mood self) and then i might suddently get really REALLY angry over the most stupid thing and then calm back down just as quick. Its awful. I'm taking it out on the people i love an i dont mean to...and when i'm not having anger outbursts i'm either 'fine' as i describe above or i'm feel so shitty about myself i want to be dead.
it sucks and i dunno how to cope with tis ontop of everythign else. i'm worried il hurt someone when i'm angry or myself when i'm low (actually i do hurt myself when i'm low).
i dunno what to do!
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
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*hugs* I don't have much advice for you, but there could be a number of reasons for mood swings, so I think it would be a good thing to discuss with your therapist, especially as it seems to be really interfering with your life. I hope things work out for you :)
Heartbreak, incarnate, I'm nothing if not your memories.
Sweetie..
I'm sorry its making you feel this way...i used to get mood swings too and i know how horrible they can be.
You could maybe explain to the people you love that you dont mean to take it out on them its just the mood swings that make you into an angry person.
Have you spoke to your therapist/psych about this..?
Take care.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
This one time (ok more than one time) i actualy got violent..and i HATE HATE HATE myself for it..i turn in to such a horrible person and scream lots of very out of character things. i did try to tell my therapist but i'm not sure she got how bad it actualy is. i mean its diffficult whenyou see me i'm such a timid quiet person i dont think she can imagine me any other way...noone can until they see it.
i'm sos orry. I do say im sorry about this ALOT...but well its not acceptable.
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
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Hey - yeah i do have a psych but she is an ED specialist. I also dont trust her after she threatened to section me once and after her saying my ED was 'untreatable' (clearly not i'm in recover! woop!)
I dont really think its directly related to the depth of therapy..not the anger anyway...i mean i could be wrong but i think more than anything its happening now only because i am physically healthier (My ED got so bad i was in bed all day most days).
I have a good idea of what triggers it and its only ever with my parnter (my sister probably could push it in me but my parnter always get me away from her). its usualy silly stuff. I mean that triggers the anger anyway. Often when i'm trying to make a point and i am being ignored, or if he says something i feel condesending or patronising.
I feel so out of contorl when it happens. Its totaly out of character for me. I can see myself do it and i'm like "Kelly stop" but i cant, its like im fighting with myself to restrain myself an sometimes i cant...god this is awful..i am usualy trying to provoke him hitting me (he never has, hes only ever like grabbed me to stop me, never hurt me at all)
The Low mood - i would say that part IS related to the therapy stuff. Not suprisingly i suppose!
Ah god. I hate myself for this. My T says i'm not a bad person but if she saw me like this she would disagree.
I dont care that i'v been physical, emotional and sexual abused its no excuse.
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
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I know it's tough, but it really is all part of recovering from abuse. It really is 'normal' in that respect. It's even 'classic PTSD'. Unfortunately.
It's not an excuse. It's a reason.
The way I see it, is, when you've been hurt a lot, you get very self protective, and this can come out like a wounded animal, attacking to try and keep safe.
It's hard, it's deeply sad.
I know.
I've been there. I go there.
As you become more aware and self-observant, things can and do slow down some.
This is a syptoms of my PTSD? you have no idea how HAPPY i am to hear that..i mean i know it doesnt cange anything but it means i can i dunno have a reason for it..know theres a reason for it...and hopefully there for a way through it...i'm not evil?
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
Jen - i wish i could be transfered from my usual psych for ED to a 'normal' one but she seems un-willing...she cant 'keep me' forever though as mt ED is much better!
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
Hey Kel..
Sometimes for me when my mood suddenly changes it helps to just take myself out the room let myself calm down and come back when i feel better.
Take care.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Kel you have kept all these feelings locked away for so long. You should have been angry years ago but you subconsiencely supressed the feeling. Now you are trying to explore those feelings in therapy they are bound to come back in the most unlikly ways. Most of all remember that it is perfectly ok to be angry. Give yourself a break and try to not lock away these feelings this time around, let them out if you can, maybe even have some safe ways of dispelling anger such as throwing pillows or screaming.
Also there are a lot of self help books about on how to deal with these feelings effectivly, maybe you would benefit from one of these to begin with.
Good luck with it all and be proud of how far you have come. *hugs*
