Triggering (SI) - He car died, it feels like my fault, and now I want to cut so badly *trig*
It's my way to low self-esteem that draw me into trouble.
So, me and my boyfriend have been at a friend to us, watching a movie. He decided to drive me home (even though I said I could take the bus). But he insisted. Not far from were I live, his car dies. The battery is empty and the generator is dead, so we can't start the car again (even with help). We call his brother who came and towed the car home...
the problem is that his dad is quite angry at my boyfriend (his quite angry a lot) and it all felt like it's my fault, and that his dad thinks it's my fault. (ok, the car was already broken and a warning lamp appeared.)
I have gone through a lot of really big anxiety attacks the last weeks, and I am so desperate. Cutting feels so close right now...
I just wanted to here if you have any tip, or would say something that could calm me down...
*hugs* hang in there... it's in no way your fault... the car just happened to die when he was driving you home.... if it hadn't happened there, it would have happened the next day when he was driving somewhere else, perhaps breaking down in a more dangerous place...
His dad probably isn't that angry at you, give him time to cool off... he's probably not angry at your boyfriend either, and no one thinks its your fault... your definitely not to blame at all. Things like that happen with cars all the time... and often people get mad and want to be able to blame a person, that's the easiest thing to do. They're probably just stressed about having to fix it, but I'm sure in a few weeks they won't even think much of it again.
*hugs* hang in there. Curling up with a stuffed animal and putting on cartoons, or coloring in a color book, or playing with playdoh are all things that help me when I need to calm down and am trying not to cut... as silly and childish as those things may seem, they can be fun, and it gets your mind off things... and even my therapist still colors in kids coloring books when she needs to calm down :p
thanks!
I know it's quite silly, but I find it so easy to blame myself, and I think that I see this as an opportunity to cut...
"fortunately" it was my boyfriends car and not his parents. but it quite sad, because we live in to different cities. so it can be hard to meet the following weeks until the car is fixed (or he have bought a new one, if his is really dead)
the thing with a stuffed animal and coloring in a color book sounds like a great idea... I wonder were I can find my cartoons (I hate that we just moved and I can't find all my stuffs yet)
*more hugs* It's not silly, it's often very easy to blame ourselves for things that we have no control over... some people blame themselves, while some people blame others... I've found that there's very few people out there who actually accept things for what they truely are, but that's okay.
How far apart do you and your boyfriend live? I can see how that would be hard to meet up with him, which I'm sure is also very stressful since it sounds like being around him makes you happy. Perhaps there are other ways though? Perhaps you could find a way for the two of you to meet half way or something? One of you borrow a friend's car, or just get a couple friends to drive one or both of you? Maybe his brother would be willing to give him a lift to your place so the two of you could hang out by yourselves or maybe you could organize something with a group of friends, like a bowling or movie night or mini golf or whatever it is you like to do, and I know that's not the same as spending time alone with him, but you'd still get to see him and then it might be easier to get rides from friends, and doing group activities can be fun too.
I'm glad that those ideas were helpful and I hope you can find your stuff. ooh... what's really cool, the next time you go by the store maybe, they sell these crayons that are actually designed to be used on walls, and they wipe off REALLY easily! Not the greatest idea, I'm sure moms everywhere hate it since it encourages kids to color on the walls, but it is easy to clean up and I LOVE them- my grandpa used to let me color on the walls when I was a kid (before they had these niffty wall crayons!), and so coloring on the walls reminds me of him and the fun times we had together, but it can also just be a LOT of fun... like if you have your own room, you can get some of those crayons maybe, and you can draw pictures on the wall to 'decorate' your room- like having your own custom wallpaper almost that you get to make, and then if you get tired of it, want to change it, don't like it, whatever, it comes off really easily and doesn't damage the paint on the walls at all!
I hope you're feeling a bit better... PM me if you ever need anything...
I thought this day would be better, but I had totally wrong...
anyway,
that's true. I think he appreciated to have me there.
we are a group of youth's thats gonna meet tomorrow, but my boyfriend may not be able to come, course he need to fix that stupid car...
we live 10 miles from each other, it not that long, but it was so much easier when we had a car. and today our car speedometer broke, so it's not so good to drive our car either... getting a ride from a friend i quite hard too, I havn't got any friends in the city we moved too... and I not really want to take the bus to him, it still feels like it's my fault so I don't want to meet his dad yet.... (I'm so silly I know...)
wow, that crayons sounds so cool! I bet they only are for sale in US/england... sometimes I hate living in Sweden when I communicate to others over the Internet
Sounds like the car needed maintaining and wasn't getting it. You might want to stay away from that car untill you check the brakes : )
Plus - over-reacting produces guilt. If you always over react to things you will always feel guilty even when your not. Now you won't be able to stop over reacting "cold turkey". But once your aware of the issues you can see how the mechanism works and then you can address problems once your feelings settle down a bit. If you over react you'll ofetn feel a "pull" or compulsion to act - often to give too much of yourself out of a sense of guilt that's exaggerated. If you let your self settle down without forcing issues you'll often see what to do - if anything (many problems fix themselves once you stop forcing "solutions")
