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Flashbacks
I don't understand... I'm in the midst of moving right now, and unpacking my things and putting them away in my new room, and something as simple as a toy freakin plastic gun can trigger an intense flashback. I understand why it does, but what I don't understand is why I can't just "get over it" by doing something like flooding. I mean flooding works for phobias, why not with the anxiety associated with flashbacks too? Why can't I just go to the shooting range a few times or have a friend hold a gun pointing at me even if it doesn't have any rounds in it, and freak out that one time but stay put and not run away and then let it be over with? I mean when I was terrified of flying, what did I do? Woke up one morning and said "this sucks, always feeling this crappy every time I need to go on a trip somewhere- I'm going to learn how to fly a plane myself". And it was terrifying, but I did it, and I'm just working up more hours before I sit for my license test now. Why can't flashbacks work as simply?
It's frustrating me a lot this weekend. A friend is mad at me, oddly enough... I met her not long ago, and she's a lot of fun to hang out with. And she invited me to go to go do some fun stuff with her this weekend, but because of the location and because I know it's a trigger, I didn't want to go. So I told her I couldn't, but instead of lying like I normally would have, I told her the truth. I tried to trust her by telling her I had flashbacks and the location she was going was one of the triggers. She's a therapist, I thought for sure she'd understand. I didn't give her all the details, but I shouldn't have had to. She got all huffy, said I didn't trust her. That's bull, if I didn't trust her I would have ****ing told her I had to work or some ****.
And then my therapist is wanting me to try to identify the early warning signs of the flashbacks, but I'm afraid to do that even... what if trying to think about the flashbacks just makes them worse? What if it re-triggers it and makes it last for forever?
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