Oh you poor thing. I'm kind of in the same place, myself at the moment. The best thing I ever did was smash my scales. And now, when I get that horrible urge in my tummy to weigh myself in case I'm too fat to be aloud to live, or whatever rubbish my ED is telling my, I measure round my waist instead. I haven't weighed for a long time, and I know if I did it would set me right back, because I have put on weight. And I now, deep down that I have probably put on about a stone, but it's kind of like because I don't know for SURE, my ED has no solid evidence that will force me to starve again.
Blah, anyway, I know you know all of this already. But what I'm trying ton say is, I found measuring to be a really helpful replacement. Because even though I have put on what to me is ALOT of weight, my waist has only increased by 1''. It's probably still weird and unhealthy in some ways to do this everyday, but this way I can eat, before I could not, so it has to be an improvement really.
Also whenever my ED starts trying to add its (unhelpful) two pennies to whatever I'm thinking about, I just try, really really hard, to ignore it. I try to remember just how much willpower it took me to starve myself to the point of near death, and turn it around on itself. It's so, so hard, and I know that you know that, but I try to think of good things, like how I'll soon be able to buy clothes that actually fit, and belts that fit without having to make stupid holes in. And how nice it will be to be able to sit and lie down without my bones rubbing against whatever I'm sitting on, and being normal, and HAPPY.
Anyway, I'm rambling so much, so if you skipped all that (and I wouldn't blame you, lol) I just hope you're doing ok. And remember that you CAN do this, having an ED takes a huge amount of willpower, so you already know you have the strength somewhere.
Sorry if I just made no sense :S xx
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