Ben finished with me on wednesday
i knew it would happen as soon as i let myself fall for him. it all happened out of the blue, we didnt even have an arguement. as far as i was concerned everything was going really well. i had passed my driving test the day before and was enjoying my newly gained freedom. i had my new full time job lined up and i was planning on moving in with him in the near future.
but then bang, nothing is the same anymore. couldnt be more different.
things were just starting to look up. my self harm was slowly becoming more under control and i was starting to be able to deal with my mood swings and work out my cycle more than i have ever been able to before. now i havnt just fallen back to how i was before, ive fallen far deeper.
ive gone back to my old habits. ive gone back to drinking in access everyday, smoking and the self harm and pain killer dependency is just completely out of control.
im putting on a brave face because i want him back. i cant show him how much im hurting. ive beeb hurt by guys before but none as badly as this. i gave him my all and hid nothing from him. he was my rock and i thought i was his too. i loved him. i still do. even now i cant hate him for leaving me. i just cant stop loving him.
i dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to live with the fact that im never going to get him back. i cant live without him :'(
