Triggering (Suicide) - very annoyed and worried

[airwolf282]

I am so ****ing annoyed even 5 days after it happened.

I was in this place that is supposed to help people with a MI get back into the community ie socially, finding employment etc. Last Thursday they sent me to this job agency for a meeting with someone there. This guy is an absolute prick. He claims to be vision impaired and suffering depression so he tried to convince me that he understands. Then he said that within 5 minutes of meeting someone he can tell them if they're unemployable and that his success rate with people that are employable is 95%. He started asking all these questions about why I can't find or keep a job etc. I said to him "it's hard with a psychiatric condition because you can't predict or control when a manic or depressive episode happens, it's not like a running tap that can be turned off" He just said "well you are entitled to sick days but if you are hospitalised for a week then you will have no job" I said "alright but I just need to find somewhere that has someone that will understand that some days I might not be able to work and have some compassion" He smugly said "well you will never ever have that" I started getting annoyed with his smugness and I replied "that's because every boss in this town is a pissed off white-trash redneck, they are intelorant, ignorant, small minded and racist" He said "then what are you going to do then, spend you're whole life in sheltered workplaces like a retarded person?" He went on to imply that it was my fault that I wasn't employed and that I should just "get over" myself. Then I got really mad and said "**** you, get ****ed, go **** yourself you wanker. You're a son of a bitch" I stormed out of his office smashing a heap of books and paperwork trays to the floor as I left. Before I exited the building I went up to the lady at the desk and said "tell that guy he's a son of a bitch". Then I stormed out the front, slamming the glass doors shut as I exited.

Now I am still quite annoyed at it all. I thought that the people who sent me there would come looking for me. And they did. They drove around for 3 hours trying to find me. I figured that I would leave to start my 4 hour trip to Sydney as soon as I got home (earlier than planned) and that's exactly what I did. By the time they called my wife we were halfway there. They had left there business card on my door which I found when I came home today. I worry that they're after me and want me punished for what I said and did. I wouldn't normally do that but if someone pushes the wrong buttons I can really lash out. At the time I was triggered and really flipping out and it was either do what I did or attack him physically so I did have some restraint. I would have broken his smug jaws otherwise.

All this came from an organization that is supposed to be there to help people. I have just been looking at their website. This is supposed to be a organization based on Christianity, helping others etc. I looked up their values and the ****ing **** on Thursday did not display any of them. Do they think they can pretend to be God's right hand and yet be judgemental of people that are in need or less fortunate than themselves? Who the **** do these people think they are?

Are they going to want me prosecuted for malicious damage or something? Are they going to want to do that to make life more unbearable for me, possibly tipping me over the edge? I am worried because every day I think of taking all my meds at once or hanging myself if it gets any worse and is this going to be it?

I really do want to get better and get back on track but I don't know why there are people that want to get in my way and mark it hard for me.

Nathan

[Casper_Fading]

Tell them what happened. And what this guy said. He sounds like an absolute ****ing asswipe! And you CAN find people with compassion! You just need to keep looking. And that guy should NEVER have said what he did. Damn, go to centrelink and see if you can get some work through their job agencies like the Salvos Employment Plus or workskills. They're pretty good there, salvos are pretty great. and try anglicare as well. I'm nto sure where abouts you are but you should have access to at least one of the aforementioned services.

Hey, thats so not good. He shouldnt have said that GRRR it makes me mad some of those people. There are still so many of those employment stuff. Don't give up hope. My bf is with Centacare (but dont know if this is who u were just with) if not, well they are really good, so see if you can give that a go. I'm not sure what else but Centrelink would have heaps to offer as well. Man still can't believe that guy GRRR, *hugs* hope you get everything sorted out xx

[blondiebear]

That is so rude and inappropriate! I'm better off if I'm not working for the public, but really that is not right what he did!

Do you lash out like that because anger is a defense for sorrow? That is what I used to do.

Wishing you the best, take care of yourself.
Let us know how you're doing?
*hugs*

[irkeninvader]

That sounds like a horrible experience, he had no right to say the things that he did. Can you complain to the organisation and tell them exactly what he said to you? He shouldn't be allowed to get away with it.

I hope you manage to get things sorted and find someone who will actually help you.

Just wanted to echo what everone has said, that jerk was rude, inappropriate and an uneducated asshole who shouldn't be working with the public. I would have reacted in the same way, or maybe worse! x

[Merc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by <alive>

Tell them what happened. And what this guy said. He sounds like an absolute ****ing asswipe! And you CAN find people with compassion! You just need to keep looking. And that guy should NEVER have said what he did. Damn, go to centrelink and see if you can get some work through their job agencies like the Salvos Employment Plus or workskills. They're pretty good there, salvos are pretty great. and try anglicare as well. I'm nto sure where abouts you are but you should have access to at least one of the aforementioned services.

*agrees*
*is mad with you*
pls keep us posted ok?????
(If it makes you feel any better? I react the same way....nothin has ever came of it tho. And you had DAMN good reasons for your reaction too!!!)

Again, keep us posted, please?

thinking of you
romp

[Yellow]

^^^^^
agrees with all above.
that would have sent me into a rage.
props to you for keeping control the best you could.
assholes are everywhere. BASTARDS i tell you!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
sorry....
i live clear across an ocean from you so i dont know about your resources.
but i really hope you find something Nathan.
Jess seems to know alot of places. and Jess is the best.
*snuggles tight*
loves.
xxxxx

[airwolf282]

Thanks Alive, Katie, Blondiebear, Irkeninvader, Loops, Romperfry and Yellow for your kind support.

Unfortunately I live in a country town where resources are limited. A friend in a nearby town told me that nearly everyone out here is living in the 1930's. That guy was no exception. He's just a rude, antisocial, white trash redneck. Just as ignorant, selfish, insensitive, intolerant and racist as 95% of the people in this town. He has got his head so far up his own ass he needs a ****ing map It's quite clear to me that he fits right in with the rest of the stupid hicks here.

I don't think it would be appropriate to name the organization on here but it isn't any of the one's anyone has mentioned here. I'm trying desperately to get into a place in town that specialises in assisting people with a disability, particularly mental illness get back into work. Before now I have been unable to get their help without losing my pension thanks to ****ing asshole beurocrats (namely the Australian government). Now some laws have changed so I can go and see them without losing my pension but first I have to get my treating doctor to do a report and then have an assessment done. I'm quite nervous about it all though because I don't have any trust or faith in the government or centrelink. I have to get my wife to deal with centrelink on my behalf because the last time I tried I ended up having a panic attack

I'm still quite unsure about it all. It angers and saddens me because all I want is to get my life back on track. I talked about my goals with my mum and dad when I visited them for father's day in Sydney. They don't really understand much about psychiatric illness but I have been suffering long enough now that they must know something is wrong. They were the one's that urged me years ago to see a doctor who first diagnosed me with major depressive illness. Now I have had quite a few different opinions, a diagnosis of bipolar 2 and a few others suspect BPD. I really want to work and live a normal life like everyone else. I even signed up to play grade cricket this season and I haven't resorted to SH for quite some time, I don't remember the last time I did so it has to be a few weeks (sorry memory is not so good). My family have no knowledge of the cutting, they know I have OD'd in the past but never found out about the SI. We spoke about getting into a stable job, buying a house etc but that's all out of my hands if there's always going to be someone or something standing in my way and stopping me from getting the help I need to make things happen. I don't want to get political here but if the government was serious about getting people with disabilities or illness back into work then it should have something in place to help those people, not make it harder for them. It just upsets me so much

I have to go now because I'm quite upset. I am really saddened about society's ****ed up dark age attitude towards sufferers of mental illness. All this is starting to remind me of my friend coming home from hospitalisation to find an eviction letter and to have lost her job. After earlier losing her mother this was no doubt the final straw and she took her own life, although I am to blame too because I failed to help because of my own mental state at the time. She was only 24. If society wasn't so ****ed, that good person and a whole lot of others might still be here

Nathan

PS: If I have any spelling mistakes please forgive as I have an el cheapo poor quality keyboard and the N letter sometimes doesn't work.

[Casper_Fading]

*pets nathan* Oh honey i'm sorry. I know that there are some advocacy groups that work in country towns. I just can't think of them off the top of my head. WHich town is it? Or is that to close to home for you? I live in tassie and sometimes the attitude hear is astonishgly insincere and painful to deal with. *cuddles* Please pm me anytime honey!

Cassie was NOT your fault. it really and truly wasn't. please don't keep telling yourself that it was. Please.,

Ohh I hope you can get some support! Some people these days are just shocking!! I'm still so sorry you had to endure that!! *huggles* Hope you can get a job soon xx

[Casper_Fading]

Hey honey, did you get any results from those links I sent you? *cuddles* How you doing?

[airwolf282]

Thanks again Alive and Katie *cuddles*

I did talk to Cadia House one of the places in the links that I go to. They have put me in touch with Orange Activity Centre which are a government funded group (I think) that can also help. I have an appointment for an assessment on Monday. I'm also getting my treating doctor to do the report to centrelink so hopefully I can get help from Octec. I know Octec said the rules have been changed and I can't lose my pension but I'm still extremely worried about it. I don't trust the government or centrelink one bit and I know that they are beurocrats that make it their job to screw people over. And they always do it to the people that try to do the right thing.

As for Cassie, her family have kept her myspace account going so people can say goodbye. I sent a goodbye message to her and told her how sorry I am about it all. I found myself crying at the end of it.

Thanks for all your help. You're all so kind.

Nathan

[blondiebear]

Nathan, Please keep us updated on how things go? Good or Bad?

[Casper_Fading]

*cuddles* good luck for the assessment! I hope it goes well and helps you out *nods*

Crying is a healthy part of grief honey. *huggles*