I've been trying to find out info about DBT but cannot seem to find any anywhere. I have very specific questions that'll probably need answering by someone doing it now.
Current situation: very suicidal. My contract on my home has just been changed to weekly (cos of disturbing other tenants because of sobbing too loud and having nightmares). I am reliant upon Ariel who says I must die for the good of the world and the man who hurt me. I have no money to attend weekly group and one to one sessions. I cannot afford to wash myself properly - I smell (this is due to physical illness) or have three solid meals a day, have no money for heating, am in constant physical pain and lose consiousness a lot. I cannot afford to go out and meet people (so have lost friends as a result) and being smelly puts people off as well. I can barely function around people I do not know. I have attempted mindfullness in the past and attacked the person I was with during the session because Ariel gained full control over me because I was unable to fight her and do mindfullness at the same time.
Three weeks ago I nearly died.
My CPN has informed me the only option is DBT (he is ignoring I am suicidal and I am sure has forgotten the date that was set).
Attending group for a morning a week will mean less meals, less washing and certainly less self esteem. I won't be able to complete a year because I'll have left where I am by then to live with the man who hurt me (as it is very very likely I will be evicted and I have been refused any kind of social worker so I am recognised vulnerable in case of homelessness (I have been refused being put on the housing register)). My conditions are unstable so I will not be able to attend every session, missing a lot (they cannot be treated). I am not allowed crisis support (it is unfair on the crisis team to talk to someone like me) nor am I able to have medication, cos that would require stablisation in hospital and that's not allowed for people like me.
I honestly don't know what DBT can do in this situation. I've tried to find out about it but can't. What use is this going to be when I am continally fighting killing myself (and losing more and more ground to doing so) and having nowhere I can turn to.
I don't know if this makes sense or not. Everywhere I have looked says it will take an awful lot of effort to do, and all my effort is taken up exisiting. I have two days functioning per week in which to do everything, so losing at the very least a quarter of that will have a huge impact on me. Part of being suicidal is not having more functioning and having to just exist.
No IP is allowed. They are extremely ademant about that.
I did look at the site you posted, but I definitely would have to pay as it is in England (and I am in Wales and NHS Wales wouldn't fund it - I had found somewhere else to try and asked about that but it was refused). There is also the issue about my physical health problems interfering with my life so much. Nothing about my existence is stable.
Thanks for replying!
Last edited by Becca : 07-09-2008 at 03:48 PM.
Reason: add nhs
DBT was created specifically for suicidal women, however, it sounds as if you have some psychotic features (talking about Ariel) (and I don't mean to offend you, obviously I'm no doctor) and I don't know how well that mixes with DBT.
I don't know why they wont treat you in hospital, as it sounds like the best place for you to be whilst you're suicidal.
Well, I shall try and give you some information Becca my dear!
DBT where we are, meets on a Tuesday afternoon at 1pm until 3:30pm, with a break after an hour or so. You will also have an indiviual session with either Karen or Dave on Thursday or Friday which would be an hour.
The group is actually a really cool group, very understanding and we are all keen to help one and other out. I know some group members drive so once you have been a couple of times, perhaps one of the group members would be able to pick you up? I know that a couple of group members do this so you wouldn't be putting anybody out.
Each week you fill in a diary card where you list :
Self Harm
Lying (I don't know if that is something you have problems with, I don't have to fill it out.)
Any thing else you might have impulses to such as binging/spending.
There is also a list of skills you have learnt and you fill out whether you used them/thought about them/found them helpful.
I think perhaps it might be helpful for you to ask your CPN if you could meet with a DBT practioner to discuss the practicalities of you doing DBT. I know I asked for this and I met with Karen and Dave to work out whether it was appropriate for me to do DBT and to find out more information because I was very unsure about it.
I know you have worries about whether you can stop self harming but you don't have to sign a contract to say you won't self harm, however you agree that if you do self harm you will discuss with your indivual practioner how the self harm came about which is known as a 'Chain Analysis of Problem behaviour'.
To be honest Becca, I would really recommend you ask to meet with one of the practioners because if you can do DBT I don't think you risk anything to lose. In group you can form a lot of good relationships and actually, it's helped me to build self esteem. I know we are different people but it would be worth considering if the practicalities can be sorted out because I know you do have physical problems which might not make it possible.
DBT has really helped me a lot more than I thought it would.
Hope this helps and I don't sound too preachy! Just thinking off the top of my head here,
This might also be a good website to look at. I found it ages ago but Dave also recommended it to me.
Also, if you are missing group due to physical illness they are quite accepting of this as I have learnt recently! Your indivual practioner would be able to set work for you to at home and they also encourage you not to be on medication which would suit what they are suggesting already.
x
Last edited by Tig : 07-09-2008 at 04:53 PM.
Reason: Added something.
I was told I would definitely have to sign a contract.
Self esteem is not going to do me a lot of good when I am being forced to rely on someone who is hurting me for support, and it is very hard to sustain when struggling practically with things *every day*.
I'm still going to lose 1/4 of my functioning for it and have to find money to pay for extra help for what is usually happening then.
I cannot cope in group settings because of struggling with Ariel on top. She changes what I hear and I can't cope with tracking that with more than one person.
you might initially lose part of your functioning and i certainly can't imagine how scary that must be. but it might be worth trying anyway, because from my experience, an advantage of group-work is that so many minds can think of new ways to help, that one, or even a few therapists/CPNs can't. often people with mental health/emotional problems have been through so much that they're actually incredibly resourceful, so they might be able to come up with something new.
sounds like your care team haven't always been too truthful to you so it might be worth keeping an open mind about whether or not you'll have to contract no self harm until you've spoken to the DB-Therapists. it doesn't sound like contracting brings about a whole lot of "empowerment, personal responsibility and choice" which are the aims of a lot of psychotherapy these days.
I meant to say Becca, the contract is that you have to commit to not committing suicide for a year because their theory is, DBT doesn't have connections to the dead.
x
How are you doing Becca?Sounds like you are struggling with an awful lot right now, have a lot on your plate.Have you thought about what you might like to do now?If you would like to speak to your CPN more about this or not maybe?i realise this is probably very scary and i think you are being very brave especially with trying to cope with everything else going on around you too!Good luck and please keep updating us.Thinking of you.
i do not always manage to be around but i wish you all the very best - love and luck to you all!
*Badly* struggling. I don't really know what is happening to me anymore. I don't even know who me is really.
Saw cpn and psych today but don't know if it was helpful or not really. All the psych said was I needed to be back in work, ignoring the physical problems with that.
Sorry. Not very good at updatey type things right now. Might need a break from ryl for a bit.
look up the lilac center in kansas city, lots of info on what DBT is and people to answer questions about it, though unless you live in kc they cant help you find a therapist
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain
I believe in true happiness. but at the same time...i look around and dont see it anywhere.
pretences are a way of life. we fake it. to keep each other going.
