Triggering (Suicide) - Should I tell him?*updated*

~*forever_broken*~ · 25-06-2007, 05:00 AM

I've got a counseling appointment tomorrow and every time you go into the counseling center for an appointment they make you fill out a 'how have you been feeling this past week' sheet. One of the questions is something like, during the past week 'have you thought about death or suicide' (or something close, I've only filled it out twice). I am not sure how to answer because I have, mostly this weekend. I had such a lousy weekend and I wanted to kill myself so badly, I longed for death, I just wanted to die. But I didn't try it...I won't, I can't do that to my friends and family (and so I live with it...see my signiture)...and I'm feeling better right now...still lousy you know,down right depressed...but I think I'm past the 'I just want to take a knife to my wrists' stage...and so I don't want to answer yes because...it's behind me, right? I guess I don't want to have to talk to my counselor about it and he's going to ask if I answer yes...
I don't know :s
Thanks guys.
Alyssa

chocostashchick · 25-06-2007, 05:08 AM

tell him what you put here
that you thought about it but you fight it and you think you are doing better
it's always best to be honest in these situations

akita · 25-06-2007, 09:06 AM

Be honest hun.

The Hierophant · 25-06-2007, 10:38 AM

Being honest would be best.
hope it goes well.

~*forever_broken*~ · 25-06-2007, 03:49 PM

I lied...feel like ****. Still don't want to tell him... I'm a bad person for counseling...

chocostashchick · 25-06-2007, 07:49 PM

you arent a bad person
we all cover things up and lie sometimes (okay at least i do too)
you can always talk next time or write it down instead
pm me about it if you want

slipping up again · 25-06-2007, 10:25 PM

you're not a bad person. it's very hard to tell someone that, even if the person is your counsellor and you trust them. Sometimes we decide to hold things back from our therapists, and thats ok, its allowed. you dont have to tell him things if you're not ready to.

would you consider telling him but say that you're not ready to talk about it? If you do tell him he's not going to think bad of you. from my experiences it has really helped me whenever I told my counsellor that I was suicidal.

Just because you didnt tell him at your last appointment doesnt mean that you cant talk about it in the future.

Be gentle with yourself.its great that your going to counselling and its great that you can talk about it here even if you cant talk to your counsellor about it.

Best wishes, take care X

Bitter_Angel · 25-06-2007, 10:59 PM

Your not a bad person.
People do experince feelings like that hun.
The differnce being, that if you tell him about them, he can maybe help you to resovle those feelings. Or suggest ways in which to deal with them.
Is there a reason why you dont want to tell him? If it is out of fear for his reaction, believe me he has seen it before. And trust me as well when i say he wont lock you up or anything!!
He may ask some questions about how long you been feeling like that. And if you have made any plans ect. He might also ask if there are people who you can talk to in between sessions when you dont feel very good.

Try not to worry about it hunni, but the more honest you can be the easier itis for your counsellor to help you.
Good luck
And take care
Kim

Merc · 25-06-2007, 11:24 PM

just wanted to echo the idea of telling him but saying you arent ready to discuss it yet...mine was great about that stuff. And it really did help. I used to write most things out for him and if i wasnt able to talk of it yet, i would put that at the bottom so he would ask off and on and all i had to say was yes or no till i was ready.
Give it a try...it is hard and scary the first few times, but it does get a bit easier and he can then help you even more if he has the whole situation.
Dont feel badly..you arent alone in this. Just keep trying.
Good luck and let us know how it goes ok?
romp

pixie*lyssie · 25-06-2007, 11:33 PM

Omg my name is Alyssa, and just for that I really like you hun. Take care and stay safve. Much love.

~*forever_broken*~ · 26-06-2007, 12:28 AM

Thanks guys, you all are great.
I went and I was honest when I answered the suicide question. He only made me talk about it for a little...asked me when things changed (he was under the impression that I wouldn't really do it...but it's that I CAN'T do that to everyone, no matter how desperatly I want to), asked if I had a plan (you were right Kim), and then left it alone because I didn't really want to talk about it. Somewhere toward the end of the session he asked if I would consider going twice a week... Thankfully I didn't have to decide this week, he's letting me wait till next week. Twice a week? At the risk of offending someone (and believe me this is all about me and not intended to be a reflection on anyone else)...twice a week? Twice? You know, I've been depressed for years and I never thought anything of it...I never felt really different or anything. Same with cutting (though I haven't cut nearly as long)...and then I wound up in the health center for a cut and got sent to the counseling center...and I feel...flawed...broken...I don't know but I don't like it. And counseling twice a week doesn't help that feeling. And he wants to see some of my drawings...and my journal (since I won't/dont feel like I can fill out these thought record things he has.
Wow, I just wrote a book...sorry just need to share I guess.
Thanks again all.
Alyssa

Bitter_Angel · 26-06-2007, 01:26 AM

Well done on speaking to him. Be proud of yourself.
Its scary when help is first put into place. But maybe if you let him lead you, even if it dose mean going twice a week, he can help you change things. Instead of feeling like this all the time. You could always try it, and if you felt that twice a week was to much,maybe ask to change it back. Its all voluntary.

As for the drawings and writting, if you feel comfortale showing him then go for it. I know that I find it easier to write out how im feeling than speak it.

slipping up again · 01-07-2007, 12:35 AM

I know what you mean. I hated the thought of going to counselling in the first place. And then, after a couple of months I started having thoughts of suicide and my counsellor suggested having two sessions a week. Initially I hated that that's what I had to do but I agreed. But I must say, it really helped me, it's probably what stopped me from acting on my suicidal thoughts or having to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Its just about looking after yourself and doing whatever it takes to protect yourself.

Best wishes Xx

~*forever_broken*~ · 03-07-2007, 01:57 AM

No two counseling sessions for me! Yay! He didn't mention it today (instead he suggested meds :s) and I sure wasn't gonna bring it up.
Can't decide if I'd prefer two sessions a week to meds...no, I can and the answer is yes, I would...but hey, one thing at a time.

slipping up again · 03-07-2007, 04:19 PM

Thats a very positive step.Meds and counselling together can make a big difference.There's no harm in giving the meds a go. And you may not want 2 sessions now but at least you know that the option is there if you want/need it in the future.

best wishes Xx

Destinationzero · 03-07-2007, 04:29 PM

I'm glad you were able to tell him. Honesty is the best policy. lol. You're definately taking positive steps and that's a good thing. I hope things keep getting better for you.