My youngest son(14) will be leaving me tomorrow to go live with his father for a year.
Court order,he has been caught a few times drunk in public.
I had the choice to send him to a boys detention home for a year with no contact from family there.....or send him to live with his dad for a year (where he can still come visit me, although I am 1200 miles away).
Right now,I am not 100%sure I have made the right decision....I just want to save my child from falling worse into this drinking trap.
He is my last....the "baby" of 6.
I know it is going to be a very hard thing to deal with when he gets on that plane. (for both of us)
He gets very upset when i am now missing and he can't find me for over an hour.
I was just told that maybe his father might be able to have alittle more control over him than I do *sigh*
But whatever the reason, for good, or bad.
I will stil miss him like hell.
Please just tell me it will be for the best and give me some hope.
Linda
I have been raising kids for 32 years now and nver dreamed that this would be the end.
It's never going to be the end hon. He will alway be yours. He will always need you and you'll keep raising him for as long as you're his mum. I can't imagine how hard this will be for you when he gets on that plane. But maybe 'losing' you for that year will be what he needs to get himself under control. I can't tell you how to deal with it, but i'd invest in phone cards (i don't know if you have 'em but it's so you can make cheap interstate calls) and ring him as much as you can. I do know you will miss him and I know he will miss you too! But raising your kids will never stop. It's something that continues on forever. My grandmother taught me that. Even now she still teaches my aunts and my mum stuff that they don't know. And as your kids get older, it becomes less mum and son, mum and daughter and more friend and friend. *hugs* Please keep coming to us. We'll do everything we can to help you through. *hugs*
Jess
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
*squish*
Linda im kinda totally out of support right now.
You did what you thought was best as a mother. No one can tell what will happen over the next 12 months. but you did what you thought best. We know you love your kids!
I know what ever decision you had made was out of love!
Love
Matthew
p.s. you may get a better response to this gettin it moved to support hun.
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
oh Linda....
i know it will be incredibly difficult as ive done this before...in a different type situation but still the same. i believe you are doing a great thing for your son. you are doing what is best for him even though it is painful for you. i admire you very much and wish i had the strength you do. i really hope this helps your son to come out of this.
much love to you and your family
xx
thats a very hard decision that you had to make. you made a decision based on 2 options, you knew if you didnt send him to live with his Dad then you wouldn't see him for a year. at least this way you will still be able to see him.
maybe try to reassure him that you love him and explain why you made this decision, if he doesnt understand now he will in time.
take care and best wishes Xx
Today I'll try to become more aware of alternatives that I haven't yet realised.
Although I have no control over other people's reactions or thoughts, I can change the way I react.
It's difficult, in both circumstances, but I think you did the right thing. Sending him to his Dad is the best decision you could have made in that situation - at least he will be with someone who loves and cares for him, obviously not as much as you do. But it's better than in a detention centre where he'll just think he's been shut off from everyone.
He's your baby, and he will be, however old he and you become. I'm still my Mum's 'kiddiwink' (she calls me that every so often) and I'm 34. This won't stop that - it might just be the best thing for him, and you.
And you know, a year isn't that long really. 365 days. It will be Christmas before you know it, then he'll be back an eyeblink after that.
Don't fret too much, he'll be fine.
Take care
Lozx
You don't have to be a monkey to recognize a banana!
hey hun, i think you made the best possible choice. Doesnt make it any easier im sure tho. *hugs*. I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now...im so sorry. But you know you have done this in love and not just because youwant rid of him, or cant be bothered to deal with it all..you are doing something incredibly difficult for his gain. i wish i knew what to say to help even a little, but i will definitely be here (or email) to listen if you want ok?
Thinking of you luv
romp
It is so hard to make a decision about your own child but it sounds like you have made this one with both your mind and your heart. your son faces some difficult times no matter which decision you made -- at least you can have some contact with him this way and therefore some control over what might happen. No contact at all sounds like a harsh deal for both you and him. I think you made the best of two choices and of course I support you and give you hugs.
I may not be very much older then your son (I'm 18) but I know that sending him to live with his father is probably the most logical one. If you sent him to the detention center without first attempting a stay at his father's then he might believe you don't trust his dad or he would be mad at you for sending him away to that place. It is definately going to be different. Teenagers are very loud and the house is going to seem very quiet. Just make sure that you call him to see what's up and he'll know you're still looking out for him...for his and your sanity. It'll be ok and you'll probably never stop worrying about him. It will be ok though.
p.s There is a saying that my boyfriend's mom has on her refrigerator it says "Once a mother thinks her job is done, then she becomes a grandmother" ...your work won't ever be done.
I am a Mum too and I can understand how hard it is. I know it doesnt feel like it, but your doing the right thing. Your being the best Mother by giving him a chance.
I think your very brave and it doesnt stop you phoning him or emailing him xxx
His father is the only option I see.
First, he is probably the only one who may be able to control him.
Second, how could I really push an out of control teen on one of my other children?
Raising a teen is not an easy task, I really don't think I could ask my other kids to try and do that.
I'm still trying to figure out what people that don't have kids do to occupy their time.
I guess all the things people do,I never had time to do,so now I feel lost, bored and alone.
Even working 40+ hours a week and still one 16 year old here.
If you're trying to figure out what to do in your spare time you might just be able to pick up a book or a movie or something. That always helps me get away for a little bit when things are getting stressful and I have nothing to do. It also might be able to keep you from always wondering what he's up to.
Sounds like you've made the right choice no matter how difficult. I really do not know what to say that haven't been said already, but wanted to say my opinion anyways and to say you've got my support.
For the extra time you now have, a book, as suggested above, could be a good help. Or is there any kind of evening course you can take after work? Painting, for example, is very relaxing as long as you do it for fun and not because you think you have to be good at it. Learning a new language is something else that is both fun, distracting and useful for the future. Hopefully there is something you'll find that keeps your thought occupied and is something you want to do.
*hugs*
She's lying there dead, but she's still breathing -- Lisa Loeb
