Triggering (SI/OD) - I wrote a note for the GP *very triggering*

[ferretmonster]

I wrote it,

dont know if i can bring myself to use it though

i sound scary, i scare myself and i dont know if i can give it to her, i was so sure earlier so sure i could do it but now i really dont think i can and i probably wont believe anyone if they said anything other than i sound scary but could someone look, i dont know why really, just...

i hope it doesnt break any rules mods, im sorry if it does, maybe i should cut bits, yes i will cut bits...


Can’t breath
Can’t sit still
Tapping
Getting up and down
Chest hurts
Want it to stop – I know if I cut it will

No trigger, no reason, sometimes everything’s a reason sometimes nothing is

I want to cry but cant, I so want to cry

It hurts so much I ache

I don’t know what to do, I want to go somewhere be with someone, but I want to be alone

I can’t concentrate writing this is hard because I can’t think

Always at night, never near people, I can pretend when people are around,

I feel sick,

I can’t stop tapping my fingers,

So alone and empty even when people are near,

Lasts for hours, always all night but by morning its gone,

Sometimes its small and I can cope, sometimes its big and hurts so much

I want to cry and cry for days and see no one,

Over reacting to things, I know I am but I cant stop the feeling, the things people say the things that happen, things on tv, everything, anything for as long as I can remember

Then I was very sad for a very long time school was horrible horrible place and I cried all the time, hid away from everyone, that’s when I discovered cutting made the frustration the feeling that I was going to explode leave me. I wanted it to stop so badly, twice I took many pills, I don’t know how many the first time, The next time I don’t even know what the pills were other than strong painkillers, they made me sick but no one knew.

Not too deep, just enough to draw blood,, I stopped, I fought it, but fighting it is hard and tiring and only when there are so many other people about can i fight but sometimes i dont want to fight it.

[akita]

You should give it to her because it will help her to understand that you cant voice it. Good luck honey.

[Casper_Fading]

fm honey.... i think yo should give it to yoru gp. it will help i think. It says what you need to say without saying it you know/ *hugs* letters are good things!

[blondiebear]

It is fine to use the written word when it is just to difficult to speak what you need to say. You are eloquent and effective.

*cuddles you*

[ferretmonster]

i dont know that i can do it, i see her tonight but this morning i just feel so sick at the thought,

[effervescence]

i hope you can give it to her, that way she can help you. i took a letter to my GP cos it was easier than saying it and it worked pretty well.

[irkeninvader]

I hope you manage to give it to her and get the help you deserve *hug*

[ferretmonster]

i have to leave for my appointment in a minute,

im starting to feel very scared, and sick..

i dont think i can i really dont, its been so long,

thank you everyone,

*deep breaths* wish me luck

[Trucktastic]

Luck Babe.

Hope you give the GP the letter, it is very descriptive.

Let us know

Take care,

Loz x

[ferretmonster]

i didnt give her the letter,

i told her a little bit about how i think i get panic attacks but i couldnt bring myself to go much further

i might send her it later instead,

[blue_cloud]

i am sorry you didn't manage to guve her the letter but at least you went and explained a bit about how you were feeling so weel done, you still have the letter (its beautifully written) and you like you say can always send it or make another appointment
how are you feeling now?

[irkeninvader]

At least you managed to tell her some of how you feel :) Maybe next time you will be able to tell her more. You've taken the first step and gone to speak to her, which is good and something you should be proud of yourself for.