This might sound kind of strange, I don't know. Almost all the time, when I go to s.h (take out my blades, band aids, everything...) I will just like, play with my blade for a while before doing anything. I'll examine my arm, or wherever it is I'm going to do it, for like...a good 5 or 10 minutes, before actually cutting. It's kind of like . . .I'm delaying it, or procrastinating...even though I have every intention of actually doing it. Is that weird? Does anyone else do this?
That year Mona Gritch was born to a pair of drunkards.
yup, i fiddle with whatever tool i happen to be using in between my fingers.
sometimes for longer than 5-10mins, it just depends how much i NEED to do it, sometimes i know its gonna hurt SO muhc that i delay doing it but then find it difficult to stop xx
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!!
I do this, but more just looking at my tool and whatever - mostly just to ready myself, like to get my mind ready and to prepare myself, almost so i cant feel it (is that weird?).
I dont think its weird at all, everyone has their own little rituals and such.
What would happen if you waited longer, could you wait it out at all? (like would the intention or readiness to do it leave with time? i think if i leave it too long it might just make me not do it, if that makes sense)
I also do this. I just stare at whatever I wanted to use, sometimes I take a while to gather clean up supplies, sometimes I even go to clean the area beforehand. It really does seem like I'm trying to put it off.
Yeah I do that as well.
I'll play with it even when I don't feel hugely triggered because sometimes I'll accidentally cut my fingers which leads me to be more triggered and causes me to cut "better". Recently I've just held it in my hand and done nothing with it. Just need to hold it to be able to breathe
It's the children the world almost breaks that grow up to save it.
-Frank Warren
I do this. I sit for a good 5 - 10 mins looking at my arm, fiddling with the blade etc. I know I'm going to do it no matter what but for some reason it's like my 'ritual' to sit and think about it. xx
Not exactly, but I'll often (not always) pick at my nails & cuticles with old blades before I cut with newer ones. Sometimes I get so worked up in it I actually don't end up cutting myself, and it's not like I pick my nails & cuticles to hurt myself. It's weird.
But yeah, I don't think that sort of thing is uncommon at all. x
I do this but I press the blade into my hand or between my fingers when I am holding it, just like a pinprick, for a little bit of blood before I actually use it to cut myself properly.
I also tend to make sure I have every first aid item I need, and I lay them on my desk one after the other in the order they need to be used. So... tool, antiseptic wipe, gauze pad, dressing and so on etc...
"How can I be a gynecologist? I can barely look a woman in the eye!"
♥
Yeah I do that to, I will play with my balde and stuff before I cut. For me it gives me that extra few minutes to think if I actually want to do this again.
I'm sort of like that. If I'm not home or if I'm home and in a hurry, I'll be as quick about things as possible. Cut, stop bleeding, clean, bandage, out, as efficent as possible, no drama. This is mostly out of fear of being caught or having people wonder what the heck I'm doing in the bathroom for so long. But if I'm home, I'll take my sweet time, playing with my tool, sometimes cutting at other things with it (like paper or packages or whatever) before I do anything. I also take breaks in between cuts too--like I'll make one cut, wait fifteen minutes or so until the high wears off, then make another cut.
Forgive me, I have but two faces
One for the world, one for God
Save me
I cannot cry 'cuz the shoulder cries more
I cannot die
I, the whore for the cold world
-Nightwish
"Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something." -Westley in The Princess Bride
Yep...I do that too. It's like my little ritual...I will stare at my arm/leg for a while and then just stare and fiddle with the blade as well...I know I will do it...but it's like I need to pysch myself up for it...prepare for it.
i do this too. i will look where i am gonna do it, i will just hold the tool, playing with it in my hand, not to put it off or anything like that, but to kinda make sure it is the 'right time', i know when i do it that i am gonna, i kinda just...i dunno, but it seems an important part of the whole thing, the antisipation.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
im the same... i have a very specific 'ritual' when i cut... i have to have everything in a certain order around me, in reach, and i sit with my blade for anything between like 5 mins and 2 hours sometimes... its a bit weird... sometimes i sit for so long and end up not actually cutting, but i think i find it comforting in a way to hold my blade, like just knowing that its there if i need it if that makes sense?! i feel much much worse when i know i dont have access to a blade...
Does anyone else do this?
this pic is so i can always remember jen who was my l'il sock monkey friend who has left ryl and i miss her!!! 
