Triggering (Suicide) - Feeling so down

[airwolf282]

I don't know why but I'm feeling so down tonight. I have no energy and I feel extremely sad and feel like a failure. I started thinking about my friend's suicide. I feel so guilty because I couldn't take her telling me how she was going to kill herself so I told her to **** off. This is after I had a fight with a doctor because I was feeling suicidal at the time. I was so angry with that so I smashed my phone all over the road on the 4km walk home from the hospital I had left. She was just out of hospital with no job and no home. She died 36 hours later after consuming poison and od'ing. And my last words to her were **** off. It's me that should be dead not her. She was only 24 for god's sake. I can't take living with the knowledge that I caused her death. I really just want to die. I want to tell her how sorry I am. I'm just a selfish ****ing bastard and I wish I was dead instead. I can't stop crying. I have a stanley knife beside me and I'm so tempted to use it.

Nathan

[blue_cloud]

i am so sorry you are feeling so bad, i wish i had something helpful to offer but i don't believe her death was in anyway your fault
*hugs*

[blondiebear]

I believe that suicide is something we've decided to do long before we do it. She knew what she was going to do.

Give yourself time to mourn your friend. That is fine. Remember too how her friendship was a gift.

hugs

Just wanted to echo everything that had already been said. It wasn't your fault, allow yourself to grieve and celebrate your friendship. Remember your were going through a hard time too, you can't be responsible for other peoples actions. She'd thought this through long and hard, you were never to blame.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad but please work through it x hugs x

[ferretmonster]

Im so sorry :(

but the others are right, nothing you said or did would have made that happen, i agree with blondiebear, its something thast builds up for a long time before hand :(

[Yellow]

you did NOT cause her death hunni.
give yourself time to grieve for her.
please be good to yourself.
let us know how youre doing please?
*gentle snuggles*
loves.
xxxxx