Blah Blah Blah!!!

I know Im going to cut tonight
Im seeing my doctor tomorrow
Im seeing the nurse tomorrow to have my stitches taken out

If you know youre going to cut then stop it, just dont do it
Its not an option
How come?
Because its been said and it will be bad
Well find a distraction
I do, Ive tried,it still happens. If its been said then no matter what.....it will happen.
Cant help you then you stupid bitch.....youre on your own
I know that any way. Im just worried if I dont tell my doc the nurse will see and tell him.
So?
Well Tims going to be there for some reason unknown to me...for my meds I think but then he doesnt know about my overdose when I had the 20 stitiches. Im just so alone in all of this. My little crazy world. My ****ed up little world that so many people have tried to enter but ive not allowed. Theyve tried and none of them either believe what I say or they cant help me.
I personally believe they cant help you bitch!!
How the hell do you know?
Because I control you, you ****ed up little piece of ****. You bitch!!
Noone can help me...do you know how that makes me feel? Ive never taken off the shelf pills to OD on before......its always had to be my meds......do you know how scary that is
Im losing patience with you, thats why!!

I think ive lost the plot.......

alone hey?
sometimes thats a good place to be and yet other times its not.
I feel alone in all of this because I am alone in all of this.
I can share most and have tried, but they dont understand.
They sit there listen to my jumbled up words that im using to describe my jumbled up mind and life.....they sit and nod their heads, shuffle around a few insignificant pieces of paper and say'' well is that all then?'' and off I go on my merry way, except its not quite as merry as they think.

I know whats going on in my head.
I know I cant stop it.
ITS BEEN SAID. ITS BEEN TOLD TO ME!! WHY DONT THEY JUST BLOODY LISTEN TO ME, UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING AND THEN FOR GODS SAKE TRY TO HELP ME! IS IT BECUASE THEY CANT HELP ME? IS IT BECAUSE THERE IS NO HELP FOR PLEBS LIKE ME.....WASTERS OF SOCIETY. A NOTHING.....

IS THAT WHAT IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO?
IS IT?

I THINK IT IS!!

Being at home triggers me.
It makes me worse and yet I dont know why...

Or maybe I do
I just dont like to admit it


things, stuff and whatnot

My minds in a strange place right now
I feel im drifting to a bad place and nothing can stop me
But then I guess it doesnt really matter

talking to myself
keeping myself company
being my own company
me and her

dooddedoodedoodededoooooo

****.....LIFE IS JUST BLOODY ****
minds running riot

all alone
noone knows noone understands noone cares noone listens noone hears noone helps noones there noone loves noone talks noone shares noone knows noone will ever know noone will miss noone will see noone knows

Tell you what.........it really doesnt matter
I told you didnt I?
Noone knows what to say.

xx

[pea soup]

rowie bird...
i'll try my best to find something to say.
i know you say that "once it's been said, it will happen"
how about trying to defy "her"?
proving to "her" and yourself that you are stronger than "she" is!!!!
what a victory that would be!!!
exhausting? yes....but worth it!!!!
please come to msn and have a chat....im worried bout you.
love love love you
xx

[chocostashchick]

i dont think i can say anything useful right now but i wanted to let you know i read this and i am thinking of you
be strong

[Mandimoo]

Telling tim everything would solve so many of your problems. I don't believe married couples should keep anything from their partner.

Stay away from me
Build a fortress
And shield your beliefs
Touch the divine
As we fall in line

Can I believe
When I don't trust
All your theories
Turn to dust
I choose to hide
From the all seeing eye

You'll not rest
Settle for less
Until you guzzle
And squander what's left
Do not deny
That you live and let die

I dont understand