**** it all...just **** it . **** life and everything that has to go with it.I don't want to be a part of this life anymore....now I just need a way toget out of it.
He has broken me....broken my spirit and anything else that gave me a reason to live.
I was doing well,or atleast I thought things were comming together for once in my life,now that is all gone....I have no reason or will power to live anymore....everything is gone.
I don't think I can turn back the pages of time and if I did things would never be the same again, I have to realise that much....but to go back and put up with it, would it really be that bad?
The drugs keep me"going" but I want more,more than to just exist....more than to just go to work everyday and come home to nothingness....that is my life a big blur of nothingness and I am seeing no way out in the future....I hate this and I want out
Only answer....more drugs,more drugs,more drugs.....drugs until I feel nothing,nothing at all then maybe this sadness will go away...at least for one day....deal with what comes next tomorrow...maybe it will just be more drugs as I know of nothing else at the moment....
I hate life and what I have become
Long story as to what happened...maybe you could say life happened.
Thought everything was finally going to be ok, but now I have come to the conclusion it will never be ok no matter how hard I try or how much I give.
I have always just "put up with things" as tokeep the peace, but where has that gotten me...It'sgotten me to be the ****ing doormat I always was and always will be.
No more.....beat me, throw me out, tourture me....I really don't care anymore, my life is not my own and never will be.
So much for ever being happy, guess that is just not in the plans for me.
Keep going,of course I can "keep going"but is it worth it anymore, I'm ****ing 50 years old if this is all that there is to life I want no parts of it anymore
Last edited by Coffee Addict : 25-08-2008 at 11:02 PM.
Reason: change
I don't know how to fix it for you honey, I wish I could. You have come very far though and arent' the same person I first met on here 4 years ago... *hugs* I wish I could help make this place a brighter place for you right now. But I want you to know that i'm here for you! *hugs you tight* What about hubby? or is he the problem....
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Unfortunally yes...feel like I am for now stuck here, at least no physical abuse going on but we all know mental can be just as bad.
Of course his life goes on like nothing happened...
Please don't say "talk to him" there is no talking, when I try he just walks away.
So much for married life
Oh dear. Can you get away for awhile and have a break? Or just corner him and say, talk or leave? *hugs* that sucks so bad. Maybe write him a letter? Which does the talking without actually talking. Has he got any idea that he's effecting you so badly???
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Oh he knows....not talk or leave, it is his house and right now I don't have the money to leave.
He has been gone for 2 weeks with work an what does he do when he gets back....ignores me all day.
Oh. Damn. Hmm.... I don't know. Even when Anthony is in a foul mood (with me normally lol) he'll talk. Only becasue I don't give him a chance to ignore me... I'm not sure hon. Maybe a letter would be the way to go??
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
I don't have any wise advice, or otherwise either. Just want to let you know that I read your post and care. Sorry I can't do more.
*hugs*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
*echoes above*
Im sorry...all i have is an ear to listen anytime ok? Email if you want; i miss talking to you.
(I will be away, but hubby can print out stuff for me)
