Theres no one left anymore. *angry. swear words. SI TRIGGER*

x-mixedemotions · 24-06-2007, 02:18 AM

idk if this will trigger, but just incase ill put a warning up.

Every single person that i ever cared about has gone and i dont know what to do anymore. theres only so much someone can deal with on their own and i went past if the very moment i found out about my friend dying.
Since then, my friendship with two people who i was quite close to has seemingly dissapeared. One is never at the computer to talk to and the other.. well i dont know. Thats just not happening. she doesnt give a crap. I cant blame her. Ive treated her like ****. I asked her for space, so she gave me space. But i tried talking to her. I tried making conversation with her and she dissapers offline. I asked her what her name was about. She said me, then went offline. So hwat am i supposed to do about that? nothing i guess. just smile and ****ing nod and go running to her whenever she comes to me. Thats all i can ever do. If you dont want to know me anymore, and you know who you are, TELL ME!!!!!!!

i cant sleep. i cant eat.
i keep having panic attacks. I keep having nighmares. and none of this matters because no one gives a toss. just concentrate on yourselves. thats all that matters. yourselves. thank you.

And the worst thing of all?
im cutting again. Fan ****ing tastic.

im not living anymore. im surviving.

_inevermetanothergemini_ · 25-06-2007, 02:03 PM

Aw hun, I'm sorry you're feeling like this right now. If you want to talk to your friend, maybe try sending her an e-mail explaining how you feel?
Hope this helps.
Hugs,
xxx

lucylou · 25-06-2007, 02:07 PM

You sound terrible hun. I don't know what to say but keep posting and we'll keep reading and do our best to support you

Too Shy · 27-06-2007, 04:01 PM

I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now - it sounds really hard for you.

Have you tried writing to/emailing your friend, like _inevermetanothergemini_ suggested? That way you might find it easier to get your feelings across, in the way that you want to, and it can give your friend time to read it and think about what you're saying, instead of getting 'defensive', which could happen otherwise.

Are you getting any help from a therapist or a counsellor or anyone? It sounds like you could really do with some support at the moment, and you shouldn't have to deal with this by yourself. Please try and keep eating, even if it's just something small - eating can also help to improve your mood slight, and help you to think more rationally. There's not a lot of constructive advice I can give really, but try and keep safe, and keep asking for support when you need it - we're all happy to listen.

Take care. xx

x-mixedemotions · 27-06-2007, 04:04 PM

i didnt realise people had replie dto this post so sorry i havnt replied before now.
thanks for replying to me!
things have calmed down a little now but relationships/friendships are still quite testing.
um. if things dont improve with my 'friend' then ill try get in touch with her or something.
thanks for replying again.
xxx

x-mixedemotions · 27-06-2007, 10:55 PM

hah.
so now my best friend isnt talking to me.
things get better and better.
and shes not talking to me because i told her the truth about how people react with stuff.
the stupid thing is.
ive never felt as though ive lost her before. sure, we've argued and stuff. but meh.
i just want her to reply to me. tell me exactly what ive done. and then ill fck off and leave her alone. its not hard to ask. but no.
let tilly suffer.
im really not ok now.

x-mixedemotions · 28-06-2007, 03:07 PM

mesesd up quite alot last night
and im in a lot of pain
and i have to see my aunt later
meh
lets see how well i can lie to her face
"yeah im over 13 months free now"
and the fake smile too yeah?
brilliant.

raistlin · 29-06-2007, 02:55 AM

Awh. Sorry to hear you are still having a rough time. :/ *huggles tight* About the friends, even good friends come and go. Hopefully this won't stop you from continuing to make friends and becoming good friends. How are you doing now?

x-mixedemotions · 30-06-2007, 12:47 AM

still not great.
something happened at work today and i ended up ahving a big argument with my boss. whjo ended up tellinmg me that maybe im not in the right job.
im in the right job. just at the wrong shop because all they care about is themselves and they dont care about anything to do with the health or happiness of the people that work for them. meh.
things can only get better.
thats what i keep telliong myself anyway.
haha kidder.
(angry little girl)