I have posted a few times about my fustration with mental health not taking my insurance and their refusal in helping me get services with a therapist. Well about 6 months ago there used to be a way around it by going through the ER and having them come to the ER to see you there, being that the ER then charges your insurance thus getting around the insruance problem. It's a 5-7 hour wait, but VS not seeing anyone...
Anyway, after a 5 hour wait, the guy from mental health comes and we meet. Seems things have changed. Alot. Not only do they only asses if you are suicidal at the ER and then if you are transport to their crisis center for a 23 hour hold, but in the past when I was put on such a hold I was able to follow with my car so I wasn't stranded. No longer could I do that. He told me I could go willingly and sit around for 23 hours as there is no staff anymore that is free to talk to, no TV or nothing else to do for that matter but wait for the 23 hours to pass. Or he could put me on a 5150 forced hold. He told me he would let me think about it while he talked with another patient needing to be seen there. Using that time I removed my ID bands and slipped out the emergency exit and left in my car and came home.
It's impossible anymore to talk to any therapist or anything close to one, well...without being fully admitted anyway. And to hell with that. So I guess I will stop here as the sun is coming up now on 5 days with only about 8 hours total sleep from the nightmares. If nothing else, it will be interesting to see how long I can keep this up. I will have to check the record books and see what the longest time is without sleep. Maybe I can make it into the books. Make all the sleepless nights worth something. Anyway, later.
Stanley, I'm sorry that the option of going to the ER is no longer available to you. I really hope you can find a way, or that the rules change, so that you can get the help you need.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
You know it's funny you mention being determined to find services. Jill, the patients rights advocate I made friends with said the same thing. She also told me not to give up and to keep trying. I do admit, days like yesturday make giving up really appealing. But sometimes I think about others like me....silently out there doing the same thing. Day after day living with their demons and beging for help to get rid of them, only to be ignored. It does bring some ease to my mind to know I am not alone in my misson to find help. However, seeking help along with hundreds, maybe thousands of others, does nothing to make the problems go away.
Sometimes I question if it's worth all the work for the help. I question how far is far enough. I wonder sometimes if one day, I will walk into an ER asking for help, get locked up in a hospital for years instead of just a few days. Them just teaching me a lesson. I mean we all know they can put whatever they want on the charts. It's been done before, happens now, and will be done again and again for years to come to many others. Jill enlightened me about alot of things the county can do to patients. Some things I think I could live with, others would be tourture. All in the name of "Best interest of the patient". And within the law shocking enough.
I have spent many days with my thoughts thinking about what has happened to me in the past, and what can happen in the future. How I would handle it if it happened. Trying to prepare myself for things I feel inside deep down is coming. I am sure that last sentince sounds crazy. But not as crazy as what I am about to say here. Now no one can see the future. But I just feel what I feel. What do I "feel" is coming? A stay at a Psychiatric hospital. I don't know what happened to get there. Where it's located, but at the same time, I know almost every hallway inside. I have just never seen the place from the outside. It's nowhere I have been before. What I do know, is I feel I am in for much pain there. Both physical and mental.
You are all the first I have told about this feeling. I would like to say thanks for listening. Having someone else to tell this to is nice, just to get it out there, so I am not the only one carrying this secret.
There should be crisis lines that you can call and talk to. I know it's not enough, but it's at least something. I don't know if they can track where you are though.
Yea, they can trace the number. I have vonage, an internet phone. It took awhile longer, but even that they police was able to eventually track down the address. No doubt from contacting vonage for an address. And as soon as they did, I had 3 cop cars at my house pounding on my door making a scene. So instead of having the cops come here I use the payphone 3 blocks away. That way incase they do come before I am done talking, atleast the scene is not at my house for all to watch and gossup about. Not to mention pay phones are harder to traces being the pay phones don't like people to be able to call them back so they work hard to hide the number from caller ID. Which gives me more time to talk.
