So on the 23rd of August I should be 2 years free... should be. I've had two fairly major slips ups and one minor scratch. Didn't break the skin. That's it. But does it mean that i go back to zero? I don't want to go back to zero... i think if i did it would break me. Anyways. That's what I would like to know.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
At the end of the day, Jess, it's how YOU perceive it, not what someone tells you.
I am personally of the opinion that if it's a one off, or in this case, 3 separate occasions of a one off, as opposed to recurring episodes, then it's a slip up. Slip ups shouldn't alter the self harm free.
I guess it also depends on what you view as quitting self harm.
Basically, amongst all that rambling, I'm trying to say...er...
If you can look back and think, I haven't relied on self harm as a solution, as a crutch for all my problems for 2 years, even though I slipped up three times, you're 2 years free.
From the sounds of it, self harm is no longer your solution. It's not something you turn to first, or second, or even 3rd. Which suggests you're free from it.
Sorry. I know this is all rambling nothing. Erm. I hope something in there helped...
it helped. Thank you :) i'm offf the opinion that i'm free. i think. i put i don't know becasue i'm still debating whether or not to reward myself for something that i can't quite convince myself i deserve. you know?
thank you though :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
2 years is a HUGE accomplishment and you should be very proud of yourself. With or without slip ups, you've come so, SO far and you need to celebrate that. Treat yourself. It'll make you feel even better about it. x
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Well done Jess. You should definately reward yourself! I admire your strength. Don't be too critical of yourself because it is often easier to be hard on yourself than give yourself praise. But you deserve praise - most definately!! :) XxX
Yet if you should forget me for a while,
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.
By Christina Rossetti
Jess, On the basis that you used to VERY frrequently SI, and reopen wounds, a scratch and 2 minors doest put you back to square one. As stated before it is not like you when on the big binge doing it several time a day or week for more than 2 days and not able to concentrate on anything else but SI.
Thank you my dears *cuddles all* today is that two years free mark... been a terrible day too >.< but i got through it and there are more days ahead!
To the person who said i'm no longer free, could I please have an explanation? I'm not criticising (i DID put it there expecting lots of people to tick it) but I would like to know the reasoning behind it. Thank you.
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Thank you for letting us all know too. That is inspirational.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
You have acheived something incredible Jess. You're not at all at the level you were at when I was around 2 years afo and in fact just from the posts I see you make and the advice you give, I would say ALOT has changed. You're so far ahead now that I would like to praise you massively for how far you've come.
Wel done chicken, we all slip up, some more than others, but you're well on your way to being a strong young woman.
Iz x
You might win one battle.
But know this; I'll win the ****ing war.
I'm going to offer my insights, which you can of course ignore, cos well, you are totally allowed to
I've been struggling with alcoholism for many years. Over the past few months, it's been really really bad. I had what MH professionals termed to be 'little lapses' but I put myself back to zero. No-one has ever been able to understand this, thinking I use it as punishment but I don't. The reason I go back to zero is because if I do not then I use it as an excuse. So what began happening was 'it's just this once it doesn't matter cos x says so' soon became 'what is once?'. I had to reset, you know? Because by not resetting celebrating my sobriety anniversary became a joke.
I guess what I am trying to (badly) say is that, for *me* I'd go back to zero cos well little slip-ups for me became places to hide from what I was going through. They began small but the more I excused them the worse they became. *BUT* I know of people with addictions who don't work this way and find they are much better for it. I just can't. My point is, you already know somewhere in side whether you should set to zero or not.
With what you said? I'd say don't go zero. You are aware they are slip-ups, you genuinely sound like you recognise that so I'd say no.
If I were to drink alcohol, I'd go back to zero with that. But Jess, for you and the SI, you have two years free. Way to go!
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
Becca, it makes sense, plenty of sense. If I was to cut continuously for a week or something I would have put my self back to zero... but my slips were... well very far between. So yes. I think i'm at 2 years free. I actually think I deserve to be proud of myself.
Thank you everyone. :)
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
.gif "rose")
