Triggering (Suicide) - I want to go back to hospital

[zowie]

I've been an inpatient six times in the last 7 months and now, even after a serious suicide attempt (that got me admitted to a normal ward) my psych doesn't want me sent back to hospital.
I don't know why, I think he thinks it doesn't help me since I've been in so many times. But it does, it really does. I miss the safety I felt in hospital, I feel like every day's a struggle at home, a struggle not to do anything to harm myself.
I've tried being admitted by A&E, who agreed that I really needed to go IP but there were no beds. And now they've been told by my psych not to admit me.
After the serious attempt I asked if I could admit myself and they phoned my care-co-ordinator who came to see me and said my psych doesn't want me back in hospital. My psych didn't even bother coming to see me, he hasn't even bothered setting up a meds review even though the meds clearly aren't working.

Sorry, just really needed to get that out.

[raistlin]

The different psychs I have seen have always told me that part of their job is to keep me out of hospital as best as they can. They don't want to pull you out of your regular life and routines. And you cannot stay in the hospital forever, so you may need to learn how to survive outside the hospital. And my psychs have never gone to the hospital to see me. I just end up talking to one there. However, I do see my psych usually the day after I get out.
Sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time right now. *hugs*

[sherlock holmes]

"I miss the safety I felt in hospital"

That's probably one of the reasons he doesn't want you to be admitted again. Pretty quickly people start to rely on the hospital as a comfort blanket until you get to the stage where you can't stand being at home at all. You get institutionalised. You really need to learn to cope with your feelings at home rather than being admitted. I only know because that's how I was. I spent so long in hospital that now I feel anxious at doing minor things like seeing friends.

[Lonely In The Crowd]

Hi! Similiar has happened to me before too! Like others have said they probably don't want u to become institutionalised and for hosp to become ur security blanket. I don't know if the psych is making the right decision or not. With me i was in hosp after a suicide attempt for only a week and wasn't ready to leave but they kicked me out, came back 3 days later after another botched attempt. then was stuck in ther for bout 3 mnths i fink even tho i really felt i was redy to go home. another time i begged to go to hosp coz i was planin sumfn and was so scared and was trying to do the rite thing and tell them and get help, they didn't listen, was in hosp 2 days later. sometimes the "proffessionals" just don't seem to listen and don't seem to have a clue wat ther on about! Is ther anyone on ur support team that u find actually listens to u, like really listens to u? I hope it all works out for the best for you, thinking of you xo

Could you ask to see the Home Treatment Team? I saw on your profile you live in England, this should be available. Google your your area NHS 'For instance 'Southwest England and St George's NHS trust' for me, to find out about what services are offered. If hospital isn't an option, there are other things in place that should be able to at least make things a little better. The Home Treatment Team should be able to make daily contact with you, including weekends and there's always the Crisis Line. Could you ring your doctor up and ask for a meds review and maybe enquire about therapy?

I used to think hospital was the only thing that oculd make me feel safe, and I found out in the end it was making me worse, or I was making myself worse by relying on it so much, and I lost out on a lot of my life. You're really unhappy and hurting right now and you do deserve proper care, maybe or maybe not hospital. You can ask for a second opinion.

Aimee in Wonderland once suggested to me I visualise myself being my safe place in hospital (I had a place I would go when I felt bad there), could you visualise yourself being in that hospital ward, try and feel how you would there?

MAybe write a list of of pros and cons about hospital. Look at the pros and think how you could recreate that in your home. For instance, the safety, could you throw your tools out? Then maybe look at the cons and think about why it is not possibly the best place to go.

I really relate to wanting to be in hospital, I think after being there so much it is really easy to associate it with respite and relief from your problems. However in the end we have to live in the 'real world', but there are things out there to help you do so. Including RYL. :)

[zowie]

Thank you for the replies and hugs.
I was under the care of the home treatment team but they feel I have enough support since I have a care co-ordinator and am seeing someone from the Early Intervention team. But I don't think they help.
I think I might throw my tools out. Dad's in charge of my meds so I can't OD, so there is safety at home.

[unbearable]

I agree with basically everything that most of these people have had to say.

And maybe going back to the hospital isn't the best idea for you (I don't know your story well enough to give my opinion about it) but if you have been hospitalized so many times recently and if you want to go back now then maybe you can consider something a little more long term.

I've been in a hospital several times and my longest stay was a little bit over two weeks.

Though it may seem scary to some many places keep people for months -- or even longer -- however long it takes for you to "get better" and to ensure that you will be safe in the outside world.

But again I really don't know enough about you to give you any real "advice" but this is a possible option.

But hospitals are reserved for people who are putting the safety of themselves or others in danger. Feeling bad isn't enough of a reason to merit a hospital stay. And once you get admitted into a long term hospital, it is no longer up to you how long you will stay... good luck. PM me anytime.

[Lonely In The Crowd]

what do u mean exactly by ur tools? may i ask how old u r? can u c sum1 els to see if they r helpful? by the the way my name's Emma. hope this finds u in a better head space, thinkin of u xo

[zowie]

I mean my tools as in the things I use to self harm.
I'm almost 19.
You all make loads of sense. I dunno, I just felt like if I didn't go back to hospital my next attempt might be more serious. And in a way, I don't want that.