My dad alerted me to the fact that he has started seeing scratches and cuts on his arms and I know for a fact that he has been really depressed lately,
I had no idea it might be bad enough for him to turn to SI though
Now I feel so ****ing guilty because I'm the only person he knows who Self Harms and I just know he must have got the idea from me
My dad thinks that I should show him my arms and my scars as a warning as to how bad SI can get, knowing how complex a problem SI is I know that by showing him my scars I could actually inadvertently trigger him
So I don't know what to do!
If he is self harming then what could I do to put him off SI
Showing him my arms could do more harm than good right?
Argh!
I feel so awful about this and I have no idea what to do
Should I confront him? What if it's all a mistake and those cuts got there by accident, sounds like a bit hard to believe but I guess I don't want to believe that he is Self Harming at all
Oh god, this is all my fault and I don't know what to say to him
or if I should say anything at all
I don't know What should I do?
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
Oh dear, this is a big problem, but it needs to be taken care of.
I think you should talk to him. Tell him that you noticed that he'd gotten some scratches on his arms and that he's been feeling a bit down. Ask him about it, pretty much just straight out. Even if he lies, you can still open a dialog, you can still talk about it. Tell him that you know that he knows that you hurt yourself. If he's said that he hasn't done it to himself, that he's just had accidents, that you're afraid that he's going to start hurting himself. Tell him about how you started and how bad everything is. You need to be brutally honest and make it sound as bad as you can make it.
There's a warning label for cutting floating around here somewhere, I'm sure if you searched for it, you could find it. (I'd find it for you, but I'm running late)
Show him your arms, or wherever you cut, only if he asks to help him to understand how bad it gets. You don't really want to scare him, but you do want to talk to him about it and get it out in the open. You do want to emphasize the negative aspects. Although, you may want to tell him why you do it too, if he asks. And tell him that you wish that someone had talked to you about it when you started.
Good luck. If you need anymore help, please post more.
WARNING
Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don’t know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100... Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait until that first time you cut “too deep”. And you freak because the blood won’t stop, and you are gaping, ad you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can’t tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be okay and swearing you’ll never let it go this far again. But you will; and further. Don’t worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid A and E.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending £10, £20, £30 every time you go into a chemist. You will feel the flutter of your heart beat every time you go to the counter. Butterfly strips, 3 or 4 kinds of dressings, wound tape, antibiotic cream, medical tape, and scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the queue will move on and that no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope that someone will notice... someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies. Someone who understands. But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won’t be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands, boots, gloves the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at every one in a different way. Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI, just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don’t feel so terribly alone. You won’t even think about it as you eyes scan their wrists, arms, hoping, just hoping that you might meet someone like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing alot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so that no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood. Scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you’re locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sowing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn’t really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you’ll find something.
Say goodbye to the things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures and sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or the swimming pool will become a far off memory to you.
And remember to be ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch so much that “you look like you have fleas or a skin disease”.
You will become an expert on your own body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting. You will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.
thanks a lot
I think I will show him that if I decide not to show him my arms
I'm just absolutly terrified that he will end up like me
I just don't want that kind of life for him
I don't want him to go through all the **** that I've had to go through
with my SI
*sigh* I hope he will listen to me :-S
"In the driest whitest stretch of pains infinate desert, I lost my sanity, and found this rose"
I think you should talk to him before showing him your arms.
I don't know about everyone else, but when I see another person's scars/cuts it can make me really triggered, so it might not be the best idea to show him.
Just sit him down, and basically tell him everything you would have wanted to hear when you started self harming, and make sure he knows you're always there for him, even if he says he isn't self harming. It's good to know someone cares about you no matter what your situation is :)
If he's been depressed lately then it might be good for you to talk to him anyway. Maybe you could start the conversation by just asking how he's feeling and how he's coping. That way (although it's unlikely) he might even open up to you and admit that he's been self harming.
Good luck :)
x
Tonight I'm alive just to say I love you to death.
