Opnions...help...anything

Coffee Addict · 15-08-2008, 03:46 AM

Long story from someone who hasn't posted in ages, but seems I am at the end of my rope right now.
The problem.....
I have a 28 year old daughter (the two of us have never really been that close). She never approved of me taking meds for my bi-polar, she was always into "natural" cures and didn't tink I needed meds.
Well finally after 3 years she decideds to talk to me again (at this point she now has a 2 year old son).
Granted, now I live about 1000 miles away from her.

Well she decided she and the baby wanted to come visit me for afew weeks, so of course, I will try and make things right and buy a plane ticket for her and her son to visit for a few weeks (1000.00 for the tickets).....that was back in June.
A week before she is to come she cancels...the tickets are non-refundable, so basically I lose all the money.

Now a week ago she calls crying, not knowing what to do or where to turn....seems there is alot of abuse going on in the house and wants to come visit me (again)

Just afew problems....she is a BIG drinker and neither I nor my husband drink, my big dog doesn't really like little kids, I have finally found a good job I like but work alot of hours and I am not sure I want to lose that kind of money again if she backs out.

Plus, she will have no car, no way to get around and what will she do while I work all day?

ANDDDD....she hates my husband..
ANY GOOD IDEAS OR WORDS OF WISDOM WOULD BE GREATLY APPRICIATED.

Casper_Fading · 15-08-2008, 03:51 AM

You're still married to... axx? What does he think of the whole situation? Is it possible to book the flights just ebfore she wants to come? If not, then perhaps change fligths so you and hubby can go away? Set down boundaries... if she's to come then no drinking or what not? Easy enought o keep dog away from child as well. I dunno if this is any help Linda! But I hope maybe something comes out of it?

Aidee · 15-08-2008, 09:12 AM

I agree with Jess. Don't pay for another set of plane tickets, if she wants to come that should be her responsibility since you already gave her the chance. I also agree on some ground rules while in the house like no drinking.

If there is abuse going on I think it would be a good idea for her to speak with some women's advocate type people who help with abuse situations. They may be able to help her get out of the situation physically and financially or get her and her husband into counseling.

Queen Crabbit · 15-08-2008, 12:02 PM

Linda, lovely to see you again, although it is under bad circumstances.

If you're going to book her tickets again tell her that you won't book them 'til the last minute. They may cost more but better to pay more for something you're going to get than pay lots for nothing.

Love you Mrs and have missed you lots.

Trucktastic · 15-08-2008, 12:21 PM

I think if she wants to come she needs to get her own tickets this time. As Aidey said, she's had the chance already and she blew it.

And she's 28 so she needs to take responsibility for herself and her child.

She also needs to respect your home, so ground rules about the alcohol is a good thing. It's your home, to stay there she needs to live by your rules.

Loz x

Kangaroo · 20-08-2008, 04:00 PM

I think you need to speak to your daughter about everything you have said to us. If she is in an abusive situation encourage her to seek help from local organisations which support women and children. I would reccomend not buying her plane ticket. You paid once before and she didnt come so let her pay this time. Or get her to buy them but you give her the money when you see her. And i agree with everyone else that ground rules in your house are a very good idea.

Hope you manage to work something out.

Queen Crabbit · 20-08-2008, 08:23 PM

Did you sort anything out Linda?

x

Mandimoo · 20-08-2008, 10:14 PM

if she came and you were to fund the trip, could you give her the money when she arrives?

miss u hunbunch, mand x

Putain · 22-08-2008, 03:13 PM

Hi Linda.

Tough situation. I know you well enough to realise that you love your kids, whatever has gone on between you, and that you want to do the right thing.

I don't think you owe her another plane ticket, not after she bailed out last time. What's to say she won't do so again? She's an adult, and should take responsibility. Hmm, having said that, i bet you'd like to see your grandson eh? Bah, that just makes it more difficult.

Abuse in the house... well obviously that's not a situation you want your daughter or grandson in. But is the answer for her to run away to your place for a few weeks, and then go back to it? You know it's not. That situation needs to be sorted out, some other way.

You're not the only parent she has, right? Then sorting out this woman's life isn't 100% your responsibility. I don't know if you or your daughter have talked to her father about the situation. I bet he and other family are a lot closer than 1000 miles from her though. Maybe in the same state or even town. What do they think?

Wish i could be more helpful. But just letting you know that i recognise you must have some conflicting feelings here, and that it's a difficult situation.

Congratulations on the job. I bet you're great at it too. Good luck to you in your life.

Mandimoo · 22-08-2008, 04:25 PM

love u linda xx