Triggering (SI) - "you cut, I leave" 8 months free and craving.
I've been seeing this amazing guy for 5 months, who noticed the night we met that I was a self harmer (I wore big bangles, great cover up, but I had to take them off in his car, clanged too much at 2am) We sat and talked for 6 hours, watched the swans and listened to music.
(He's my brothers girlfriends ex best friends brother, I don't make it a habit of climbing into cars with guys I don't know...:P)
After telling him why I'd SH'd(the lack of respect/physical & mental batterings from my dad) I started to trust him, we grew close, shared secrets and hooked up. We were an amazing couple and pretty much lived with each other, even though I'm still at home and he's at his sisters.
I've been "clean" as such, for 8 months, but ever since stuff with my boyfriend have gone sour (he hasn't worked for 4 months of the 5 we've been seeing each other) He's treating me with disrespect, telling all of his friends stuff about our bedroom antics, making snide comments about it and just...pissing me off.
Don't get me wrong, I love him, a lot. Even though he's selfish and petty and he owes me money, I still love him. But he's leeching from me. I feel sapped of EVERYTHING.
The only way I know how to cope with this and still stay with him is to cut myself, but he told me if I ever cut myself he'd dump me.
I don't think the fact that this has been a part of my LIFE for 7 years has entered his mind, and just because I've stopped for 8 months doesn't mean the need will go.
I told him I really wanted to cut myself.. He said "You know the consequence if you do."
Hanging it over my head...I'm so angry I could cry and so upset I just want to break walls with my fists. Seriously...hah.
Just...PLEASE don't tell me to leave him, I don't want this to be a...slagging off thread. I would like support..I know how EASY it would be to tell me to leave him.. but thats not what this thread is about..
If you wanna yell it at me and just read the end then sorry for wasting your time.
Thank you for reading, I needed to get this off my chest...Thanks a lot.
Hmmm.
Have you tried explaining it a bit more, and telling him that saying if you cut you'll leave doesn't really help you, as it makes things much harder for you?
[Sorry it's not much help]
Sam x
'Coincidence...it's what the Universe does for...fun.'
The Doctor
It sounds like he's not even trying to understand. To be honest, I feel that if somebody gives their partner an ultimatum like that, then they're not worth bothering with. When I try and give up again, I want it to be for my own benefit, not just to please somebody else
It sounds like he's not even trying to understand. To be honest, I feel that if somebody gives their partner an ultimatum like that, then they're not worth bothering with. When I try and give up again, I want it to be for my own benefit, not just to please somebody else
I don't see how he has the right to say anything like that to me, he has no job, and hasn't for the past 4 months, how would he like it if I said "you get a job or I **** off"?
You can only get stronger, him telling me this has effected me so badly now that I actually want to cut. I'm so scared, I want to fail, but I don't because he'll leave.
I just want to sleep forever. I'm so sick of having my life be dictated by others.
(ps, thank you, you have both given me a new p.o.v)
You could try explaining how all the things he does makes you feel. However it’s hard to make someone change like that. I think you should reread your post carefully and think if you really want to be with this guy especially if he is making you want to cut yourself. I also agree with Poisonous Cyanide. You need to stop cutting on your terms and because you want to not because he wants you to.
I don't see how he has the right to say anything like that to me, he has no job, and hasn't for the past 4 months, how would he like it if I said "you get a job or I **** off"?
You can only get stronger, him telling me this has effected me so badly now that I actually want to cut. I'm so scared, I want to fail, but I don't because he'll leave.
I just want to sleep forever. I'm so sick of having my life be dictated by others.
(ps, thank you, you have both given me a new p.o.v)
xx Kaz
Ideally, relationships are meant to be give and take, supporting and helping each other. This guy sounds like he's just taking and not offering anything in return.
Do you think that maybe you could write your feelings down, or send him an email, or something? Any form of communication where he can't immediately jump in with the stock 'OMG YOU DO IT AND I'M OUTTA HERE D<' reply? Maybe if you tried to explain your relationship with SI, why you feel the need to do it, whether it be stress relief or whatever, he might realise that he can't dictate it? (Also, maybe mentioning the 'you get a job or I **** off' thing might help. Even if you don't mean it, just sort of say as 'well how would you feel if I said this to you?' I don't know, you know him better than I do, lol)
Judging from your first post, I'm guessing he knows that SI has been part of your life for seven years, so maybe you could reiterate the point that you're only human, so of course you're still going to have cravings, urges. Would he expect a recovering alcoholic to suddenly think 'nah, I don't need alcohol ever again' right away?
(o.O I hope all that makes sense)
Try not to let it get you down too much, sweetheart, and look after yourself, yeah? *Glomps* Hope I've been some sort of help to you
wow! this is actually really difficult. If you love him i guess you kinda dont wanna let him down, but at the same time you dont know how else to deal with the situation you're faced with. I think you've done really well so far, but you need to talk to him more about it i think. I was faced with a similar problem in that one of my close friends threatened to tell my mum and never speak to me again if they found out i;d cut again so i just kept it from them and found more hidden places to cut for a while. then i realised how much strain it was putting on my friendship so i spoke to my friend and explained that i needed more time to stop and that if i s=tell my mum i have to do it myself and in my own way. since then the friendship has been easier and i've cut less because i want to respect my friend's wishes but i also know that i can tell them if i do and have their support because they understand my situation better. hope this helps.
From what you've said, it sounds like he doesn't love the whole you. I mean, he's disrespectful, doesn't understand SI addiction, and it seems like he doen't care about you to the fullest. It seems to me that if he did care about you, he wouldn't threaten to leave at such a bad time in your life and would make an effort to understand more.
I'm not telling you what to do, just telling you what i get from your message.
