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[Ratatouille strychnine]

I'm having a clear out of things in my room and I'm finding long forgotten things. There's a letter from one of my best friends telling me how I had broken their trust and eroded our friendship to nothing; pictures from school; doodles I drew in Sixth form...

I miss the people I've lost contact with. I miss school. I miss how simple life used to be.

I can't keep going on like this. I'm drifting through life and letting it happen around me. I'm doing nothing constructive and I'm just wasting my time. I haven't done the revision or coursework I need for the retakes for the uni exams I messed up first time round and I spend my time at work just staring into space or trawling the internet. I don't get up on time and arrive late and I know I'm going to be sacked. I'm going to fail these retakes and I will end up financially screwed and I have no plan B for when I do fail.

I've been feeling pretty low the last few days. I know why and it's my own fault. I haven't taken my meds for the last few days. I know I should be and I know it;'s why I feel like this but I don't want to take them. I've only got a few left in the pack and I don't want to ask the doctor down here who doesn't know anything about this for a repeat prescription.

I just want to curl up in bed and let everything happen as it should but I know that can't happen.

I don't really know what the point of this is. Sorry.

[Urethra Franklin]

Hi Rob, I understand the need to cling on to the past, even if it's bad. Perhaps you might be clinging on to these things as a form of procrastination, or as a way to avoid the possibility of failure, by ironicly failing? There is an element of self-neglect in not taking meds, are you having any serious side effects from them? I think you got what it takes to succeed in this, providing of course you do the work. This depression you're experiencing is related to failing the first time, by neglecting one area of your life, it will drag down the other parts of your life too. Please get a repeat perscription from your doctor there, even if it means getting them to contact your regular GP, they should be able to sort it out as a emergency perscription. Play this smart Rob, I know you're a smart guy, and even though you might not care right now, you'll thank yourself in the future.

[Ratatouille strychnine]

Moods. They come and go. They change and evolve and they stay relentlessly put. Do they dictate our actions and the course of our lives? We learn the importance of rationality and to act according to the situation and not let our emotions rule us. Is it a weakness to allow moods and emotions to gain such a hold of your life?

[Pictsie]

I agree with mike you should get a repeat perscription on your meds, concentrate on your resits and I'd suggest talking to your boss too, assuming they can understand, they might give you a little slack and maybe help and support while you get back into the swing of things

you clearly have a lot going on and to be overwhelmed is understandable, don't look at the big picture, break it down into small bite size chunks you can deal with

Its not a weakness, your emotions to guide you, without them you wouldn't know something was wrong, and you wouldn't see a need to change things.

because of your moods and emotions you've already identified things you want to change, and now you can take steps to change them

the first is to stop blaming yourself, you can't undo something but you can take action to put things how you want them. (you cant change your original results but you can do well in your resits so they dont matter, you cant change how your performance was, but you can concentrate and get back on track)

You said you have no plan B, the university may be understanding and allow for repeat years, I'm not sure of the process here but you should have a councilor or tutor you can talk to, so you have a possible fall back of being able to retake the year think of it as a years revision and preparation, but thats a plan B
Plan A is to be the best you can with what you have, be strong don't focus on the possibility of failure, focus on the possibility of success and how to get there breaking it down to easy steps so not to be overwhelming.

I've wrote a lot, I'm not even sure if its all good advice, but stay strong, and try to find a positive, every set back can be an oportunity to improve.

[blondiebear]

If you had another disease that had a negative influence on the chemistry of your body, would you treat that? Depression may be an emotional problem but treating it just helps the nerves in the brain better talk to each other.

For me, the meds aren't happy pills. They just make it possible for me to get out of bed and do the work I have to do. They make it possible for me to do what my rational mind says I should do.

Everyone else has said things so well that I'll stop there. Hope this helps.