Triggering (SI) - How do you know you are ready to share?

[Starla]

How do I know if I am ready to share my whole SI life story with someone?
I've never honestly shared with another person...the whole story.
I've told my husband (when we were just dating) that I used to SI. All of our talks about it have been very brief and I never said everything I wanted to. I told him a few weeks ago that when we fight about money I feel tempted to do it. The truth is it isn't just the fights about money that trigger me. It's a lot of other stuff as well much more often than he thinks.
I don't know if he needs to know. I don't know if it would be best to tell him or let sleeping dogs lie. I feel like sometimes I should just let it go since I haven't si-ed in months; however, I have gotten very close and thought about it a lot. The truth is that so many times I want to tell him but I do not have the courage.
How do I know if I am ready to share?
Or would it be better to keep this to myself?
Any advice?
How did any of you know when you were ready to come clean completely?

[Casper_Fading]

I knew I had to come clean to my partner about... 8 months into our relationship. He knew about past self harm before we started dating as the scars are not something I could hide. I was honest about it but about 8 months in, it was a strain to be safe so I just came out and told him everything. He was very supportive and still is, rings me when he thinks I might be having a bad day and stuff like that. So yeah... umm... i think you know you're ready to share when you stop wondering and do it. I didn't plan on telling him, i just did. so maybe that's it?

It took me three therapist before i was finally able to talk about it even just a little. I know what you mean about wanting to share but not able to. Self injury its a really hard thing to talk about especially when it has impacted your life in such a grate way. I was finally able to tell my therapist everything. I had gotten to the point that i felt like i would explode if i didn't tell somebody. I knew when i got to that point that i had to tell somebody before i lost my mind. It was really hard at first but it got easier and after i felt a lot better.

I think you really should tell somebody, anybody. You need to get it out before it drives you crazy. If you cant talk to your husband then try getting a therapist, Its much easier to talk to them because there strangers, that won't judge you.

Try to stay positive. Im here if you want to talk.

I hope that helped a bit.

[Starla]

Thank you for the good advice. I feel too shy for a therapist. I think I'm kind of afraid of my husband's reaction. I just want him to understand and I think i'm a little afraid that once I tell I can't untell.

[blondiebear]

Don't tell him when you are arguing. Then it will feel like a weapon to both of you. If you are triggered, when there is a quiet time, tell him about that. Don't accuse or blame him of anything. This may sound unusual, but make it about you. Not you are triggered when you and he are arguing about money. That you feel insecure about finances so you feel triggered. Hope that makes sense.

When the time is right, you'll have a sense of it too.

[Starla]

Thank you for all of the good advice. I like to hear how other people were able to go about sharing.
I worked up the nerve two nights ago to at least tell my husband when I started SI-ing and that I still get the urge at least once a week. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. I think at some point I need to just sit him down and tell him that I just need him to listen and absorb, not respond. I think he really doesn't know how to deal with this part of me.
The first time I started talking to him about it he changed the subject to his biceps. I felt like he belittled my needs. I was able to bring it up again and his response was... "well you know you just can't do it, you don't know what you are doing."
I feel really defeated for now but I think I definitely need to try to bring it up to him again. I'm really afraid of him just thinking I am attention seeking. He really is a great husband. He just doesn't know how to deal with this part of me...or doesn't take it seriously enough. He pretty much just completely invalidated my feelings. I really feel like I don't have the right to feel the way i do. He referred to when I started si-ing as my "life is pain phase."
I really needed to just vent all of that out.
Thank you!

[Casper_Fading]

Don't feel liike he's belittled it. Many people can't even begin to understand it's a safety mechanism for them to change the subject. He was listening but it's hard to take in. *nods*