I

[Misunderstood.]

don't know whether this is the right thing to do.

Admit I'm depressed. Cries. Crying.
No-one else knows. It wasn't me that noticed. I realise. I don't know.

I don't want to go there again.
The more I think about it the more I realise. I don't know.

I stop myself crying at points through the day. Then it builds up and builds up until I cry at night.
Maybe it's why i'm so anxious at the moment. As well.

Do I have to tell people, i mean in real life. Do i have to go through that or can they not do the work for me.

All too much at once.

I wanted to post here. Because people here understand. And I spend alot of time here because i always do when i'm not as well as i can be. And i like it here. I always fit in and i never really fit in anywhere in RL.

[Misunderstood.]

I was thinking about suicide today. Not doing it in the near future. plans or anything. its why i changed my sig. and iv been thinking of SH. feeling like doing it but wanting to carry on without doing it. because i want to be knwon as having strength. last time i did it was not long before my ex fiancee said we had to break up and i had to move out.

[Starla]

*gives giant hug to rage*
Crying is better than harming yourself. And letting the words flow from your finger tips is even better yet. Let it all out.
I can completely relate to thinking about harming but also wanting to carry on and be strong. It is an inner struggle that I go through everyday. Each day does get better.
Are you worried about telling people about your depression or your thoughts of self harm or your thoughts of suicide?
Stay strong and know that you are never alone. :)

[Misunderstood.]

ppl close to me i'e family know i have schizo-affective disorder, bipolar type. so i do get depressive episodes. i didn't think i was in one though. almost like im tryna fight the fat i might be depressed. wont let it be. if that makes sense. they dont think i am. they usually notice if im depressed. so maybe i dont seem depressed. i live with my mum and step dad. i dunno about worried telling them. if they dont notice then i wont tell them. that might sound stupid or i shouldn't keep it to myself. but im 22 now. dont have to tell ppl everything all the time. i'd rather talk to ppl who understand and the person who noticed it in the first place. he's not part of my family. he's got depression himself.
thank you v much for the reply.

im not always angry even tho im called rageagainstthemachine =)
{{hugs back to star}}

[Misunderstood.]

dunno what i am today. tired from the meds. still got a level of anxiousness. higher than most but becoming acceptable because now im used to it. i dunno what to do with the rest of the day. in my thread in serious or general support [cant remember where] started saying bout going on risperidone or busparone or whatever for the anxiety. but i dont think i will. i dont want dulled down anymore. dont want medication dulling me down. **** that. i'd rather be anxious. i dont seem like ive lost the plot. no one says so. so i dont think i'll make an appt to see the psych on monday. it'd be asking too much. i only saw one on wednesday. i don't need it and it's not fair on other patients who need the psychs. am i making sense? do you agree?
if im depressed its upto me to deal with it. thats another story i was only going to the psychs b4 i decided i wasn't, for heightened anxiety and about an hour of auditory hallucinations. i can deal with this and i will. i've always not liked medication. im already on a strapping 1000mg dose of carbemazapine. i need to learn to deal with how i am now and then pull back the dose of carbemazapine to say 800 then 600. am i being right?

i just, dont want/ to even have to think about mmaking these decisions.

[blondiebear]

There is nothing wrong with taking meds. They are only a tool that helps you by fixing up the chemicals in your brain that that help the nerves talk to each other.

It is okay to get help from a psych, how ever much help you need. You do deserve it.

*hugs you*

[Misunderstood.]

thank you.
i HAVE to accept i need the medication. and that there's nothing wrong in it.
i've been taking psych meds since i was 12. i'm 22 now.
i do need shouted at sometimes.
'cause i'll end up dead or worse one day if i just stop them all.
just going to keep taking the dose i'm on.
persevere. it's difficult.
this dose has me v tired atm. physically.
Carbemazapine 1000mg pd.

[blondiebear]

My stuff leaves me sleepy sometimes too. I drink so much diet pepsi that it isn't even funny.