i havent felt like this for a long time. I just feel numb. Like Im seeing things but not making sense of them. Totally numb. Disassociated. Im scared because I know cutting will help me feel something. Feel better.
I was sexually abused as a child. Tonight my drunk husband forced himself on me, and I just felt like i Was back there.
Im so scared. i cant sleep. I cant feel. Im not even upset. Im just nothing
i wish i knew what to say but i know how scary this is. do you have any professionals you can talk to? would be helpful to be able to work out a way to say no to physical touch that you don't want. you have every right to say no.
are there any things you can do physically to feel more present that won't harm you? like holding ice, or pushing against a wall as hard as you can. concentrate on what you can feel around you, like clothes and other stuff, and what you can hear and smell. that's all real.
keep yourself distracted, keep talking here too.
i definitely advise you find someone you can trust to talk to. xxx
Thank you for being there. I said no. I said no forcefully. Then I kind of shut down. I felt it happening. It felt like it wasnt him, like it was ..cant say it...before...
I tried struggling and then stopped. He kind of hurt me.
Im trying to feel something. Ive grabbed ice. but I hurt myself. I cant sleep. I cant move. I feel like im floating. Im not really here.
Im stuck.
Im so so scared. I went to chat, but couldnt explain what I was going through.
i'm sorry i assumed you didn't say no. i shouldn't have done that. is there any way you can tell him what he did and how totally horrible it was? is he like that often? if he is then you know you definitely deserve someone better, someone who won't hurt you, and be in a place where you feel safe.
i wish i knew what to advise. here on RYL we're listening.
if you want to talk, you can pm me.
has this happened before? do you have any friends where you could stay at? anyone at all to distract you? is there someone there you could talk to/phone?
it might help to leave the TV on when you are ready to go to sleep, so it's not so scary and you feel like someone's there.
try and concentrate on something. pick up a small item and think about how it feels, how it smells, what it looks like. you can also do this with food.
xoxo
I don't know what to say. Does your husband do this often?
Are you still feeling numb?
{very gentle hugs}
There must be somewhere you can go, surely :/...even if you are in Japan. The police?
PM me if you want to talk about anything. I wish i knew how to advise you about getting somewhere safe.
Catherine xxxx
i feel a bit better this morning. I feel worried, so at least its something. I managed to move and lay down and wrap a blanket round me.
But I cant leave. Ive nowhere to go to and I could lose the children. The UK is different. I need to stay put. I need not to run away. I will mess everything up. Im scared Ill mess everything up.
Ill be alright. The panic will subside soon and Ill be back. In the meantime Ill stay quiet.
I understand that the UK is different. But even when you 'feel' a bit back to normal. Are you just gonna let this blow over? I see where you're coming from, you're scared. And maybe if you tried to stand up about what's happened, you're worried what would come of that. All sad facts, such sad facts.
If I make trouble I could end up making it worse. I dont want to lose the children. I cant return to the uk, Ive nowhere to stay, no family will take us. Ive messed up, and Im stuck.
I feel a bit better. He has been quiet today, which helps. He knows how vulnerable I am, he knows everything about me, and he still doesnt care if he sends me over the edge.
The kids ground me. Being asked for juice and breaskfast and hugs though painful at least reconnected me. I cant be like this now. I have others relying on me.
I should have killed myself before i had children, years ago. Now I dont think I could do it, leave them to this tough world alone.
I know him, and his behaviour recently, if I stand up to him, make waves, then things will get worse for me. Im the UK I would go to the police (I did that here they asked me what I had done to annoy him and called him to the station to pick me and the kids up..this was a while ago), I would go to a lawyer, I would feel confident I woudl get the kids and a settlement and the hosue. I would get none of that here.
do you have a job or is there any way you could get one? do you have any money saved up that you could take now?
I understand that the situation is quite different over there and that things might not be so easy.
are you still a uk-citizen? if you are, you could buy yourself and your kids plane tickets and just fly back and go talk to the police there and then things might be a bit different. of course, I understand that leaving everything behind is probably not an easy decision and might well be a very difficult thing to do.
is he ever gone overnight? you could plan to leave him and then go when he's gone,too, so he won't notice to early.
I know that everything is really scary and overwhelming right now, but you do not deserve this, you have the right to say no and everybody should respect that.
do you have absolutely no friends over there at all?
