Sudden rage

[Gargoylemaiden]

Hi everyone,
I have never posted on here before, I usually stick to the SI forum but I think this is the right place...

Quick history, I am 26 and I have battled with depression, anxiety, panic and SI.

So I have been having sudden burst of rage (only word I can think of). It is all internal and I will become beyond angry at myself, everyone else and the world. It is so bad that I literally want to crawl out of my own body. I have had anxiety and panic attacks but this is something totally different. It may sound overly dramatic but it feels like I would imagine someone who is posessed feels (although I don't really believe in that). I have endless ways of handing anxiety, panic attacks, depressed moods, SI triggers but I am so beside myself about this. I have managed to keep control of myself (although it makes me miserable) but I am quite scared.

Help please???

[Stellata]

I deal with similar as part of my complex PTSD. I can empathise. However sometimes for me it is external, too, which can be difficult.

Do you have a sense of what brings these feelings forward? It might be an idea to start a journal of the occasions and track how you were feeling before and anything that happened that might have triggered it.

It also might be helpful to remember that anger is an energy, the same way as anxiety and excitement are energies.
It may be that you're starting to heal some of your depression and anxiety, which are often about suppressed feeling, and the space created can evolve into these surges of anger.

One more thing that might help is to write down a typical internal dialogue that happens at these angry times. As well as having an internal dialogue with your anger outside of the 'episodes'.

[mizz_devilish]

do these feelings last for a long time and come and go or is it a constant feeling?
i agree it would be a good idea to keep a track of when you feel this way and what makes it worse so you can try and eliminate the triggers from your life as much as possible

[mattdavies1974]

hello,

I also have these rage moment. It normally ends up with me punching the wall. I guess this must be considered a form of self harm. I have come to realize that my anger/rage is because of the way others have treated me. I seem to absorb other peoples anger and then take it out on my self. I am a very kind person who would not use anger at anyone else. I know that me getting so worked up is silly but I just cant seem to help it. I am interested to chat to anyone else who experiences this.

[Gargoylemaiden]

Thank you for your posts. These feelings are not constant but they are intense and new, thank you for the idea of journaling my internal dialoue during these moments... I think that might help me sort it out.

I understand what you mean Matt about taking on all the anger and turning it on yourself. I also would never hurt anyone else but it seems all too easy to hurt myself and I agree that logically it makes no sense but knowing that doesn't stop it.