Premature Births lead to Unstable Relationships with Parents, Insecurity and Depression?
On the radio last night they were talking about Premature births. Most of the stories were happy and the babies went on to become successful adults with no problem with the rest of their lives. Though, one thing that they did mention was there seems to be a connection between being premature and having poor relationships with your mother, other people and feeling insecure. As well as this they wondered if it lead to depression later in life and problems with anxiety and trust. It was only briefly mentioned but it got me thinking.
I was born at 28weeks (12 weeks early) at 2lb 12oz;not a bad weight considering my prematurity, via Caesarian due to huge complications. Following my birth I had numerous problems due to being born really early such as Brain Haemorrhages, a 'punctured lung', and possibly some 'heart attacks' but that's only been briefly mentioned by my mum. I now have pretty bad dpression and cannot get close to my mum at all; our relationship is different to the ones she has between my brother and sister who were both premature but only a couple of weeks. I was wondering whether there is any truth to what they were saying.
Like many of the others speaking last night, I have gone on to have a relatively normal life though have numerous health problems which may or may not be related to my birth. I also have anxiety, depression, problems with relationships with people and 'trust issues'. But, apart from those I've been successful. I'm not trying to brag but I got the best GCSE results in my year at school, got 4As and a B at A-Level and am now studying apparently the hardest degree course in the country at a prestigious college (though you wouldn't have thought it with what we get up to ).
I was just wondering if there is anyone who thinks there may be a link between being prem and insecurity/ poor relationships. I personally am unsure so would like to here views from people, either prem or not about it.
I was born at 30 weeks, 2lbs 13 oz.
Traumatic birth - forceps because I stopped breathing.
Mum had [undiagnosed then] PND.
I wasn't touched by mum until I was 3 weeks old.
Then I didn't go home until I was 2 months old.
It's had an effect.
But it's only the beginning of a cycle of later trauma that led to Complex PTSD.
It made me more vulnerable to anxiety and depression.
Partly the prematurity, not being 'ready' to be in the world, but also due to lack of bonding and attachment.
Internal thought pattern 'the world isn't ready for me and I'm not ready for the world. I am too small and fragile to exist. Everything hurts.'
I was born 8 weeks early, and weighed 2lb 10 oz as my mum had gone into organ failure. I think i was in hospital for 6-8 weeks.
I am very lucky to be alive, there was something like a 20 % that i would live and if i did i would have been brain damaged.I can relate to some of the findings but i dont think it is in connection with being premature, but maybe it is :p
There's quite a few people on this site who were born premature, but I don't know if that's a larger than normal % of people that were, if that makes sense.
I was born at 28 weeks too I believe, perhaps a week earlier, and weighed 2lb 5oz. Fortunately for me I didn't face too many problems considering the situation, but my twin sister had all sorts of nasty complications and has CP too.
It's a possibility that it's the case, but I'm not too sure. You can probably find a fair few prem babies who are perfectly "fine" too, and my sister certainly has no such issues.
I think there's no denying a connection in the sense that if a newborn is separated from it's mother, then there isn't the natural bonding; in an incubator a parent can't exactly cuddle their child etc. Which in turn, i think, could lead to a longer struggle making connections and bonding.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Interesting finding.
One of my friends had her son at 28 weeks, and she had her daughter at 24 weeks weighing in at just over 1lb..
She's now 2.5 years old and fits in 6-12 month old baby clothes, and has to have oxygen pretty much 24/7. She also has speech problems (has learnt sign language) and is delayed in many areas. But she's a lovely little girl, and it was touch and go when she was born to whether or not she'd survive.
On the outside my friend Emily seems a loving, caring mother (which she is). But she works around the clock, checking on Dakota through the night to make sure her oxygen levels are OK.
It must be so horrendously tiring and draining for her. She has an older daughter - Madison - who was born fullterm and is a healthy happy child.
But i sometimes wonder what Emily really goes through emotionally. It must be very stressful/worrying having a child premature. That's not the child, nor the mothers fault of course! These things happen. But it must be hard on the mother at the early stages of the babys life.
When a child is born premature, it's extremely hard for a mother to have that bonding process you'd have with a baby born at fullterm. There's none of the giving birth/put straight onto mothers tummy. The child is pretty much taken away to be put onto SCBU with not much contact. Dakota had to have so much surgery/tubes/meds pumped into her, it was difficult for Emily to have that bond/closeness with her. She had to wait nearly 4 weeks to have her first hold. I can only imagine how difficult that must be.
I was 2 weeks overdue, and have problems with a relationship with my mother & father. She had me when she was 40, and she often tells me she wished she hadn't had me, and it makes me wonder if she's bitter about having me later on in life.
So i voted "unsure", because i think it could work either way whether a child is born fullterm or premature.
Although i am mainly only talking about the relationship side of things in this post. I can't say much for the depression/mental health side of things. Although i think parental relationships can have an effect on how we grow up/feel/think.
But that's just my opinion, heh!
Will be interesting to read what others say on this! :)
Indeed, but usually with a fullterm baby (unless extremely ill) they can be cuddled and still breastfed, which means the bonding is still present.
Whereas with premature babies, it's more difficult to cuddle/breastfeed them (if at all) for a good few weeks after they're born.
Also, these days they are much more conscious of the need for physical closeness and bonding and take steps to ensure this happens. Not so when I was born.
Indeed, but usually with a fullterm baby (unless extremely ill) they can be cuddled and still breastfed, which means the bonding is still present.
Whereas with premature babies, it's more difficult to cuddle/breastfeed them (if at all) for a good few weeks after they're born.
But that interaction is maybe only for a totaly of an hour - for example - a day; so, there's still alot of contact that the baby is losing out on.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Yeah, with me my parents were only allowed little contact with me for the first couple of weeks because of my problems as I was wired up to all sorts of things; nasogastric (feeding) tube, ventilator, ECG, having VERY regular brain scans because of the bleeds as well as being in an incubator. In all honesty I should have died multiple times, my chances of survival even through the caesarian were almost nil never mind everything else. No one knows how I made it through, It just appears that for some reason I'm a born fighter and that still lives on, I will tackle everything and somehow I pull through (it's one of the things my mates love about me). When I get down/ feel I can't get through I find out the polaroid I have from the day I was born. I find it really motivational as it shows me I can get through ****; I've done it before and I will again so I guess in a way being born so ridiculously early and still living against what every doctor thought, makes me feel stronger more than anything. Though I still sometimes find it hard to accept the problems that it caused which seems a bit back to front
In all honesty though, I'm not sure whether my problems are because I blame my mum for me being born early (there are reasons behind that due to the circumstances) and she's made it clear that she kind of blames me for it so that is probably the root of our relationship problems as well as the lack of initial bonding. I don't think being prem is entirely to blame for my problems, just is a factor. I don't believe it would be for anyone, just the lack of bonding maybe causing an increased 'risk' of problems due to the lack of bonding due to care being more intensive and maybe less 'personal'.
I was 14 weeks early..... and I have a very unstable (nearly non-existent) relationship with my parents, I am very insecure about life and I also have major depression.
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
agreed with the above. im premature (5 weeks) and can relate with most of the finidings but dunno if there's a link
“The good things don’t always soften the bad, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”
“Nobody important? Blimey, that’s amazing. Do you know, in nine hundred years of time and space I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t important before.”
“If it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”
Your avatar reminds me of the incubator experience, Kaz. Love and warmth is too far away. [and yet invasive doctors and nurses arms and faces are so huge and too close.]
To put a slightly different perspective on this (and hopefully make the point of the topic more relevent); in the first year of life a babies brain doubles in size (i think), they're developing at an incredible rate and there's alot going on immediately after birth too; so consider that a newborn really *needs* constant attention, love contact etc and then contrast that with being in an incubator? It's the baby equivelant of solitary confinement - little contact and not the biological need of constant (or near constant) parental contact. So, there's got to an element of interference with brain development and so that impacts later on in life too.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
Read "Why love matters" by Sue Gerhardt. :) [I'm sure you already have, Shona!]
Another really good book about prematurity, particularly in the context of trauma, is 'born too early' by Joanna Jepson.
Hmm well I break that rule
I was two weeks late and even then it was induced and then it was a 24 hour labour and then they used forceps and I have a terrible relationship with my mum, I am very insecure and every keeps rambling on about depression and stuff but I don't listen =)
So yeah I think there probably is a link and it just went a bit wrong with me haha ( you can so tell I didn't want to come out!)
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
).
