Triggering (SI/ED) - *Me again*sorry*

[I am a cat]

Sorry to keep posting all the time
I realise your probably fed up with me

I just feel so los
You know Im not me anymore something has taken over me..like a monster or something, something that is not normal.

Im just dead really...I dont live

I feel so numb, so empty so lifeless and pathetic so DEAD

Im such a freak
I mean the police helped me if you remember but now I just cant let them go I have to walk past the police statin every so often just to make myself feel better I cant let those two police officers go I want to keep tem in my life, to me it felt like they were the only two people in the whole entire world who really cared for me, they were like the parents Ive never had..but I cat tell them that but I no they cared because they told me, she said she was scared for me and didnt want to lose me! I just cant let them go I need them in my life.

I want to overdose all the time 24/7 there is never a second where I dont think about overdosing I just need it so bad, I need to be damaged I need to hurt, I need to be like that.

I cat stop thinking about bad things all the time, like holding bricks and smashed glass..how pathetic is that..why do I do that..seriously Im gonna end up hurting someone then Ill be arrested then the police will never speak to me ebcause will be an even worse person than I already am! why do I do that..Its like an addiction.

I have been getting so drunk lately almost every night and you know its great because everytime I get drunk I sit in the middle of roads but unfortunalty someone always pulls me out why cant they just leave me there..dont they know I want to be hit by a car, I want to hurt, I want to feel pain, I need to feel alive. JUST LEAVE ME THERE.

Know one understands really do they...you all think you understand but you dont everyone is different, everyones expericens are different, no one person and there thoughts are the same..right?People just pretend to understand s they try to make you feel better.

I have already found the bridge I want to jump off, quite easy to getup to it aswell. There is no poin in even telling me social worker because all she ever says is she cant stop me so I might aswell do it anyway. Just need to find the right time and make sure there is no one around to stop me.

I dont know what to do anymore, I really dont, I have no energy left to fight anymore, I dont care anymore, I just dunno.......hes taken over me like he said he would, I am not heranymore,,,,I am him, the evil one, he says I have to self destruct to be good, I have to be damaged I have to do what he says, he is in control, he is the one I have to obey he shows me bad things, he tells me bad things, but he says they are all good.

Im gone.

[l'il esky]

sorry not really in the frame of mind to give advice but know how you feel.

sending lots of huggles xxxxxxx

[tamobhuuta]

the things he says, they ARE bad. i wish i could make you feel better but i don't know what to say. you don't have to hurt yourself, don't go to the bridge. i know i can't properly understand what you're going through, but some bits of what you've said are things i often think, and i know that YOU don't deserve to cause yourself that pain, even though i'm hypocritical and don't apply the same rule to myself. you deserve to be happy. if you can't fight anymore, that's ok, but don't give in to the bad side of things either. xxx

[_plastic]

Sammi

I have nothing to say sorry please take care of urself xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx