the hospital have discharged me, i am back home. i don't know how i feel about this. it sounds really stupid, but as much as i hate being in hospital, at least i feel safe there, it is kinda like the safe is taken out of my hands, and i don't need to be scared of what i might do to myself, just for that little while.
i know that it wasn't the best think to happen, me getting disharged. justin is very worried, and he is trying to make sure i don't get the opertunity to si, which just make me want to cos i feel under pressure, you know? thats not to say that i am not grateful to him, he is trying his best, he loves me, and he wants me to be safe, and i don't think he fully understands what si means to me and stuff.
my head is all over the place, i don't know what i am thinking most of the time. everything is going on around me, and it is like i am not really here, like i am behind i big thick peice of glass just watching, and not able to get out.
sorry to come here again asking for support, but i don't know where else i can go right now.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
*gentle hugs* if you need them
i wish i could help and be there for you i just dont have the words right now, but i wanted you to know i am thinking of you xx
i am seeing the crisis team at one, they are gonna be involved for a week, cos my cpn is in holiday. i am trying to tell justin what i need, i am, but i just can't finds the words. he is being great, but he is very anti si, which at the moment, i feel i cannot let the si go. i am trying with not being suicidle and stuff, which is hard enough, i can't give up both right now, cos i think i will crash if i try too much at once, you know?
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
he did join trace, he joined to spy on me, and mailed the mods with angry mails cos he just won't even try to understand. i am trying to talk to him, and i think he is trying to understand, but he just doesn't seem to want to, you know? he is trying, i know he is.
When times get tough, the best we can do is remember there is better to come. If we can hold onto this hope, then hope will keep us free.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
