Triggering (SI) - help

coops · 29-07-2008, 10:50 PM

why is it so hard to write how I'm feeling. Went for a job interview at place where I volunteer. Really really wanted the job. First time I'd felt excited about something and actually wanted something for a long time. Was planing things around getting the job. And guess what I didn't get it. What a ****ing idiot I am for actually thinking they'd want me. I'm so disappointed in myself and am sick of people asking how it went and then saying never mind 'it wasn't meant to be' or 'something better will come along' It's all bollocks! This was the ideal job and I've stuffed it up.

I found out on Sunday and since then I've stopped taking my anti D's. What's the point!!! I want to feel how I actually feel. Does that make sense to anyone? They stop me from being me. Started to feel withdrawal symptoms today. I deserve to feel ill. I deserve the cuts on my stomach. I feel that even that's not enough. I wanna punch my hand through a pane of glass! Step out in front of a speeding lorry. I don't wanna be around anyone. I just want to be alone.

It's pathetic that this has come about all because I didn't get a job, but it is much much more than that. I was at my lowest point over Christmas and have tried so hard to get things back on track and this has just knocked me back down the black hole.

I can't cope

Casper_Fading · 29-07-2008, 11:12 PM

How did you stuff up? really. maybe it 'wasn't mean to be' and there is always a better thing around there somewhere. but when you've set all your hopes on one job, it's like someone cut your legs out from underneath you when it doesn't work. So I do understand that. BUT not taking your anti-d's and cutting isn't going to make it any better. please... start your meds again. Did you ask why you didn't get the job? is there something you can do to imporve your chances next time???? Talk to them. prolly it was ust someone with more qulaifications. That's the case most of the time! There is ALWAYS someone more qualified. Please... stop punishing yourself.

blondiebear · 30-07-2008, 01:07 AM

Please, go back to taking your antidepressants. That is what will make it possible for you to get out of bed and start taking care of yourself.

*cuddles you*

coops · 30-07-2008, 07:01 AM

I did ask for feedback. They said it came down to the fact that he person who got the job had more office experience. I'm only 23 how can I get the experience if no one will give me a chance!?! I think they just gave that as the reason but really it's because of my depression and s/h. I don't blame them.

Casper_Fading · 30-07-2008, 10:55 AM

oi. don't. ask if they have any wokr round the ofcie that you can do to get experience and stuff?

blue_cloud · 30-07-2008, 01:58 PM

i am sorry to hear about your job, i am thinking of you *hugs* sorry i can't offer you anymore right now xx

coops · 30-07-2008, 04:32 PM

thanx for your advice and support. I know it's only a job and I should stop moaning but I don't have the energy/motivation to keep trying. I just want to give up

I know I should keep taking my anti D's but I just don't want to look after myself anymore. I don't care. Thanx again for listening to me, don't have anyone else to talk to.