Triggering (Suicide) - The worst year of my life (adult, very triggering) *Updated*

[flying rain]

And today was hands down the worst day of that.

I am doing everything wrong. EVERYTHING.

My friends are apparently worried that I am drinking too much/for the wrong reasons, etc. So I need to talk to them about that. God.

I told my ex that I am in a new relationship now. Bad ****ing move. He is really upset.

I didn't do well at school today, and I have to work tomorrow at a summer job I ****ing hate.

Tonight I have to keep telling myself that I shouldn't do what I want to do. What I feel I have to do. I feel closed in a box, getting smaller and smaller. I have the way out, but I am hesitating and trying to distract myself from it because people tell me to.

**** this. Living scares me more nowadays.

[ThinkingofRecovery]

Sorry, nothing useful to say. I just want you to know that I read your post and although I can't understand what it is you are going through, your posts and you matter! Please don't take "the way out".

Take care

[blue_cloud]

hun i wish there was something i could say that would help but i just wanted to let you know i am thinking of you and i am here for a hug or chat if you need it xx

[Yellow]

*squishes you*
i got nothing useful and im sorry.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

[blondiebear]

i've had jobs I hated too. You just keep doing your best until it ends.

If you only had one bad day at school, let it go. Forgive yourself and resolve to do better next class meeting.

*cuddles you*

[flying rain]

Hey everyone. Wanted to let you know that I'm still alive and okay now. Thank you for all the replies and hugs <33. I got things sorted out with my friends, my work is still a pain in the ass because they have thus far been completely unable to work around my school schedule and they are just highly unorganized and it has caused me nothing but stress to date. My ex apparently realized that he was being unreasonably touchy about my new relationship (though he never apologized, I heard that from my best friend). My new relationship is going pretty great so far. I'm kind of living at his house because I don't want to go back to my parents' house quite yet. Not sure what I got in the class but hopefully didn't get less than a B...hopefully. >.>

My life is just unreasonably stressful right now, and I cannot handle this much stress. Not all at once. I just kind of wish summer would stop being so trying on my sanity. Things are not good for me right now (aside from my relationship, which does a lot to level my mood lately).

I'm still in therapy. I see somebody like twice a week or so. The last time I saw her she said I was on the right track. I hope when I see her again she doesn't decide I have completely derailed. We will see.

[blondiebear]

You are on the right track.
You will learn to deal with the stress. Honest. I've been where you are.