Triggering (SI) - scared and confused :(

[sarah: love is everything]

i hate the way i feel. i hate the feelings i have. why can't i be normal? the feelings i have are disgusting. i won't be normal. i need someone in my life to figure out how i feel coz i can't start the conversation. i can't do this alone. i can't keep what i feel a secret anymore. it's eating me up inside. i feel like taking my feelings out on myself, to punish myself for feeling this way coz what will it matter anyway???
who can i trust? who can i trust not to judge me? who can i trust will not change their opinion or feelings towards me? i'm scared. i'm so scared. my feelings confuse me. i can't keep this secret anymore but i also can't risk losing everyone :(

[pretty_in_pain]

i think i understand how you feel hun *hugs*

what is it you're scared of?

lots of love
xxxxxx

[sarah: love is everything]

if i tell the people i love how i feel it will change everything forever. so its either stay in confusion and fear, or tell and risk rejection, judgment and disgust. i just don't know what to do!!!!

[pretty_in_pain]

who is it you want to tell something to?
xx

[sarah: love is everything]

my friend. but i'm not sure she will want to know. and if i say what it is then things will change forever. i'm so scared that i will lose our friendship :(

[pretty_in_pain]

i know, it's so hard when friendship is at stake. i think you may just have to decide whether taking a risk is worth it?

could you maybe ask one of your other friends who knows you both for advice?

xx