Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - Again.

[rachelll11]

Sorry for posting. Again.
Dont feel anything. Feel lost. I dont want there to be a tomorrow. I dont want there to be a tonight. I dont want to be here now. The thought of there being a tomorrow is just daunting. I dont think i can do it.
I saw a picture of him today. Everything came back to me. His face. The way he smelt. The way he tricked me. The way he made me feel disgusting. I feel fat, I know i am. Im hungry. But i cant eat. Maybe it will help me. I need to cut. I have to. But i dont want to. I did it last time. And i imagined his friends laughing at me for being weak. But i dont know his friends. He will have turned them against me. He will have turned everyone that was there against me. Because im a bad person. Its why my dad hates me. I dont think anyone really likes me. I wouldnt like myself. I dont. I feel bad for posting. More people need help than I do. I just waste peoples times. Like my dad said, ive not done anything with my life, ive never managed to do anything, or work hard, or help around the house, or be a good daughter. Or friend. Or girlfriend. He wont miss me. Hes moving away anyway.
Now my ex is mad. I told him i couldnt cope. I told him he would be better without me.

[Tig]

Hey Sweetheart,

I am sorry to hear how hard things are for you right now. It certainly sounds very distressing. Please don't be sorry for posting, that is what RYL is here for and we are glad when people post & ask for help, it is so much more productive than some other things.

From your post I guess you have been hurt quite badly in the past & it can be very hard when you get reminders of this, such as seeing a picture. It is understandable why you are experiencing such intense memories and emotions but however intense they are tonight, they will pass. Tonight try and look after yourself, do something that soothes you such as having a warm bubble bath or cuddling up with a teddy bear. You do deserve to be looked after & treated well. You aren't a bad person, I think perhaps you believe you are because of what other people have told you but it doesn't mean it's true.

I am sure you have done a lot with your life & even if so far it doesn't seem like you've done much you have got so much more to give to the world.

Don't give up sweetheart, you have so much to give & you deserve so much more than what you've been through.

Lotti x

[rachelll11]

Thank you, but i dont see this getting better, i dont see things getting sorted out. Sorry for wasting your time.

[rachelll11]

im so triggered right now, the flashbacks are awful.. i seriously cant get this out of my head, and i want the flashbacks to stop :( :(

[RenewedHope]

-huigs- I'm sorry you're feeling so bad hun
And you're not wasting anyone's time, you have as much right to post on here as anyone else.
Would it maybe help talking about things on here for a bit?
Please stay safe hun
You deserve more than this
xx