Triggering (Suicide) - I wish I would have jumped...

[Netsirkylime]

I was so close yesterday, I was on the edge, but I let Ash talk me down. I thought about turning my phone off after telling her I loved her and after saying I was sorry to Mon, but I couldn't do it. I feel like I'm too weak to do it, to scared to jump, but I'm too scared to keep on living too. It's like I'm forever standing on the edge, too afraid to step off and to afraid to step back. I don't know what to do. I just wish I would have jumped...

[Netsirkylime]

every breath I take brings me one breath older, every second that passes makes me one second closer to having to leave this house, to having to go out into the real world... and I"m terrified of that...

[Sans Peur]

Hey

I am glad you never jumped and as trace said above it takes a strong person to not jump.Moving out is scary, how old are you?

Leaving home can be stressful and scary at first, do you have any plans, uni, college work for the future?perhaps making goals for the future can make you fight through difficult times. what is it that scares you about the real world?

please talk to us

Jane x

[Netsirkylime]

I can't talk to my family about it... they don't know about anything that is going on, and I can't tell them... I just can't...

I'm afraid of the real world because I'm afraid of people. They terrify me. Talking to people I don't know scares me so much, but I'm going to have to to get a job any way you think about it I'm going to have to. I'm not going to be able to survive...

[Netsirkylime]

I'm nearly seventeen... so I still have one more year here, but I'm so scared and I keep thinking about the future and people keep bringing it up...

[Sans Peur]

I felt the same before i moved away from home to go to uni, coudl you perhaps write a letter to your family about this as perhaps you arent ready to move out yet, do you have to move out at 18? writing a letter can be much easier than saying it to their faces, also means you can be ore honest and phrase things the way you want them to do as when youa ere upset things can come out wrong.

I think it is something that is brought up with all young people, and scares a lot of people. It scared me when i was younger as i didnt know how i would cope by myself as i had lived in the middle of no where my whole life and was extremely shy but going out there and meeting new people is scary but you get used to it. You start to build confidence.

Jane x

[Netsirkylime]

I've never had any confidence. I have trouble calling friends up, how am I going to ever talk to someone I don't know. My family thinks the reason I wont get a job is because I'm lazy, but really it's because every time I even think about it I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack.. I can't do this... I'm not supposed to grow up...

I have to go now, I'm going to a friends house... oh yay i get to plaster a smile on my face all day...

[alienshe_cheesycake]

Maybe you should think about getting proffessional help for your anxiety issues, it sounds like you could do with some more support especially since you say your family don't know the extent of your anixety and your fears about moving on

you can PM me anytime

xxxxxxxxxx

[Netsirkylime]

I don't know... I just am, so much. I think a lot of it is trust issues... I don't really know tho...