Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Sorry But.i Really Need Help Now...*od** HUGE SI WARNING*

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

Please someone Help.
The therapist didn't fucking see me today.
She wants me to die, like everyone else does. I am really losing myself now, and close to suicide.
And I don't mean through an OD either.
My Mum took my fucking tablets from me, and it is making me very frustated.
My Mood has rocketed down bottom/
I HAVE TRIED SO HARD.
TO BE STRONG
CAUSE I THOUGHT SHE WOULD SEE ME.
but she hasn't, she's probably fully booked, like my bloody counsellor.
I HAVE ATTEMPTED SUICIDE SO MANY TIMES NOW>
and I can't take this anymore.
I really can't.
I'm meant to be dead by now.
Don't you get it.
I can't do this shit anymore.
i want to cut my wrists open.
So badly.
Someone help.
I'm really losing the plot here.
Fuck it.
I want to die.
And I'm being selfish I know, I have probably triggered someone now.
I wrote two bloody completely honest letters.
I printed it off,
that cost money you know?
And I'll probably never see her again.
My counsellor blatanty doesn't like me. No-one does.
That's why they did those things to me, IN SCHOOL>
They all want me to die.
SO
they'll be sorry.
THEY'LL ALL BE FUCKING SORRY.
I really can't take this anymore.
I'm losing my head.

I don't have any of their numbers and the samaritans were a bit crap when I phoned them.
I just want someone to kill me.
I am crying now.
I can't take this anymore.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I want to die. Now.
Is anyone here? I really need help. I want to die now.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

Hannah just shut up I hate you.
JUST LEAVE THIS FUCKING WORLD *talking to self, obviously*

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

THEY ALWAYS CANCEL ON ME.
THEY ALWAYS DO THIS.
WHY DO THEY DO THIS
Maybe they'll fucking be sorry if I'm dead.

[Fidget]

Hannah.... Please don't do anything, pm me again?

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I have drank alot of alcohol and I want to find pills.
I want to find them all.
I want to steal my mum's money so I can buy more pills.
then OD on all of them and DIE,
I Was so 'brave' writing that letter, I don't think
so, what a waste of bloody time.
I also want to cut.
ALOT.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I have no hope left.
There is nothing left.

[distant_yellow]

*hugs* I just want to let you know that i read this and im here if you want to talk to someone.

[Stellata]

I'm here.

There's always hope.

Can you call your therapist's office and find out what's happening?

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I know I'm going to start raiding the house for pills soon.
I get like this, EVERY BLOODY day.
ANd nooo
let's not care about her.
She deserves to fucking kill herslef.
My Mum is here.
I'll do it in front of her if I have to
I just don't care anymore.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

No because she may of not even thought she even needed to check up on me.
xx

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

My Mum won't give me money

[Stellata]

We'll hold your caring while you feel that yours has gone forever. It hasn't. It's just hiding right now, to protect yourself whilst you feel so vulnerable and angry.

You don't deserve to kill yourself. You've done nothing wrong.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I'm so damn pathetic,
I waste so much space on RYL, seriously.

[Stellata]

You're wanting her to contact you, but it wasn't pre-arranged by her? I'm just trying to understand the situation. ((hugs you gently))

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

I have, I have done everything wrong.

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

Yeah,
SHe was meant to before tomorrow, to check up on me.
For the ODs in the past,
I think you support me Katie in email???


I wrote a huge letter explaining how suicidal I have become
and she hasn't showed up, AT ALL>
which is making me feel very low.
cause they don't care.

[distant_yellow]

what have you done wrong?

[CoffeeawakestheArtist]

But the thing, is SHE HASN't
AND THIS PROVES
how worthless i am.

[Stellata]

I answer emails, yes.
I still think it's worth phoning her office to check.

I've got to get back to work now, but will check in when I get home from work at 6ish.