Triggering (SI) - Wanting support

[butterfly hearts]

I feel like i don't deserve to post here. My goal (big goal) at the moment is to do things on my own....become more indipendant. Anyway, i'm having a hard night. I have just been doing so much in the last 4 days that i am EXHAUSTED and it has triggered my health to be worse.

Things i've experienced are paranoia, dissociation, flashbacks, and seeing/hearing things distorted/bad perception and feelings today of helplessness.

I know these things are just triggered due to tiredness. I am putting a lot of pressure on myself also.

I have taken a number of PRNs tonight as instructed by my doctor, i will make it through, and i know this will pass.

I am just wanting some validation from others at the moment i suppose. I am wanting to self harm because nothing is making me feel better, not even things that usually cheer me up, that's how low i am, but i feel that people on here at least recognising the pain i am feeling at the moment will give me comfort. Any support, not necisarily advice, just kind words and encouragment would be great.

Thanks so much.

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

Hey hon,

I can really relate to the paranioa etc & I know how hard it is to deal with.
You've done so much in these last 4 days, I think you need a good sleep & rest right now. You don't need to cut right now, that isn't going to make things better, however sleep & rest is & maybe a hot bubble bath?

If your feeling too stressted & really like SI-ing really badly, is there anyone you can call to keep you distracted?

You can get through this,
I believe in you.

Much love,
Helen
x

[butterfly hearts]

Thanks Helen.

It is burning not cutting that i am worried about.
I have scars from when i did it in hospital, and they're clearing up. Makes me want to do it more.

I am too drugged and sleepy now to harm myself. I think writing that message in itself helped me.

Yes i do just need rest. Just need to get through the next half hour and it's into bed for me.

*sigh*

it's a hard time, but i feel in controle....well relitively so.

xxoo

[EyelinerAndCigarettes]

*cuddles*

Keep going sweet, you can get through this half an hour
Keep talking if you need to <3

[butterfly hearts]

Hey guys.
still feeling tired today, but i think the meds are catching up with me - lol.
I'm just cuddling with my puppy now. Today i have been telling myself 'you are in controle' and 'what is the rational thought here' and such like things....i'm trying hard not to be overwealmed.

I found myself ruminating over how i could OD and go to sleep and be okay, but i know this isn't a positive idea, and i'm arguing the logic with myself. I won't be doing it, don't worry....it just upsets me that i have these thoughts - makes me feel like i really haven't moved forwards. oh well.

a moment at a time, i am being okay.

xoxo